Making love out of nothing at all

THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER

2022

Directed by Taika Waititi

Written by Jennifer Kaytin Robinson and Taika Waititi

Spoilers: moderate

Steven Spielberg, part XV: I thought it was Mrs. Victor's soul, going up to heaven

EMPIRE OF THE SUN

Doubling down on the Oscarbait, we find our director continuing his turn toward subjects "more mature" than magical aliens or Nazi-killing archaeologists.  And yet the severity of Empire of the Sun is met by a director who appears to be as high as a kite on his own sense of whimsy.  Bizarrely, then, the actual result of this weird collision is also the first unambiguously great film the Serious Spielberg ever made.

1987

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Written by Tom Stoppard and Menno Meyjes (based on the novel by J.G. Ballard)

With Christian Bale (James Graham), Emily Richard (Mary Graham), Rupert Frazer (John Graham), Miranda Richardson (Mrs. Victor), Peter Gale (Mr. Victor), Nigel Havers (Dr. Rawlins), Takataro Kataoka (The Boy Pilot), Masato Ibu (Sgt. Nagata), Joe Pantoliano (Frank), and John Malkovich (Basie)

Spoiler alert: high

Judgment Week, part IV: Pain can be controlled

TERMINATOR SALVATION

The nadir of the franchise.  One hopes.

2009
Directed by Joseph McGinty Nichol
Written by John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris
With Sam Worthington (Marcus Wright), Christian Bale (John Connor), Anton Yelchin (Kyle Reese), Moon Bloodgood (Blair Williams), Michael Ironside (Gen. Ashdown), and Helena Bonham Carter (Dr. Serena Kogan, and also Skynet, apparently)

Spoiler alert: severe

The Jasper Johns of tonally confused tae kwon do

AMERICAN HUSTLE

You see, because his compositions were vivid but muddled and stupid too.

2013
Directed by David O. Russell
Written by Eric Singer and David O. Russell
With Amy Adams (Sydney Prosser), Christian Bale (Irving Rosenfeld), Bradley Cooper (Richie DiMaso), Jennifer Lawrence (Rosalyn Rosenfeld), Jeremy Renner (Carmine Polito), and some bullshit stunt casting

Spoiler alert: mild