Mother, may I?

SUSPIRIA

Stuffed, maybe overstuffed, with ideas and symbols and bids at meaning, the most important thing is that Suspiria does terrible things to you, but you realize you really like it.

2018

Directed by Luca Guadagnino

Written by David Kajganich

With Dakota Johnson (Susie Bannion), Elena Fokina (Olga), Mia Goth (Sara), Chloe Grace Moretz (Patricia), Jessica Harper (Anke), Tilda Swinton (Madame Blance, Dr. Klemperer, et al), and Malgorzata Bela (Mrs. Bannion)

Spoiler alert: mild—well, severe for Suspiria '77, but come on now

You know, you'd catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar, Mr. Grey

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Strikingly good in parts, but strictly for what it is—a movie that professionally captures softcore pornographic action in an aesthetically pleasing manner.

2015
Directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson
Written by Kelly Marcel (based on the novel by E.L. James, based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer)
With Dakota Johnson (Anastasia Steele) and Jamie Dornan (Christian Grey)

Spoiler alert: moderate (does it... matter?)