Darren Aronofsky, part III: Hoodoo horseshit

BELOW

You'd think it would be way easier to set a horror movie on a submarine than the results of Below seem to indicate.

2002

Directed by David Twohy

Written by Lucas Sussman, Darren Aronofsky, and David Twohy

With Matthew Davis (Ens. Douglas Odell), Olivia Williams (Claire Page), Zach Galifianakis (Wally), Jason Flemyng (Stumbo), Scott Foley (Lt. (j.g.) Stephen Coors), Holt McCallany (Lt. Paul Loomis), and Bruce Greenwood (Lt. Brice)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Alien Week, part III: The planet of the vampires

ALIEN³

Well, I strongly doubt it's gotten any less tedious.

1992

Directed by David Fincher

Written by David Giler, Walter Hill, Larry Ferguson, and Vincent Ward

With Sigourney Weaver (Ellen Ripley), Charles Dance (Dr. Jonathan Clemens), and Charles S. Dutton (Dillon)

Spoiler alert: mild

Note: this is a slightly reworked review from my David Fincher retrospective, written two years back, which may explain why it's shorter (and no doubt better) than anything I manage to produce now; but the point, of course, is that if you thought I was going to actually watch this movie again, then the real joke, my friend, is on you

Rule the brown

RIDDICK

The action movie you wrote in sixth grade.  By that, I also mean the movie you wrote in 1993.  And I mean it in a largely complimentary way.

2013
Directed by David Twohy
Written by Oliver Butcher, Stephen Cromwell, and David Twohy
With Vin Diesel (Richard B. Riddick), Jordi Molla (Santana), Matt Nable (Johns), and Katee Sackhoff (Dahl)

Spoiler alert: moderate