This is not heaven, it's the world—and there's troubles in it

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

A plea for tolerance that you think about more than you feel, and which you likely won't think about too hard, at that.  But you must admit, it is made with some truly awesome violence.

2005
Directed by Ridley Scott

Written by William Monohan

With Orlando Bloom (Balian), Liam Neeson (Baron Godfrey of Ibelin), Ed Norton (King Baldwin IV), Eva Green (Sybilla), Jeremy Irons (Tiberias), Marton Csokas (Guy de Lusignan), Brendan Gleeson (Raynald de Chatillon), Alexander Siddig (Imad), and Ghassan Massoud (Salah ad-Din)

Spoiler alert: you may or may not be surprised to learn that the Crusader state of Jerusalem no longer exists

Whores, whores, whores, and gambling

SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR

What a beautiful bore.

2014
Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller
Written by Frank Miller, in case you couldn't tell
With Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Johnny), Powers Booth (Senator Roarke), Josh Brolin (Dwight), Rosario Dawson (Gail), Mickey Rourke (Marv), Jessica Alba (Nancy), Bruce Willis (Hartigan), and Eva Green (Frank Miller's weltamschauung)

Spoiler alert: moderate

If Darth Vader had boobs, I guess it wouldn't actually change the story very much

300:  RISE OF AN EMPIRE

Not content to be the rotest and laziest sequel to a significant film in recent memory, 300: Rise of an Empire is also the dumbest, dullest, and ugliest depiction of cool history you could imagine as well.

2014
Directed by Noam Murro
Written by Zack Snyder and Kurt Johnstad (based on the comic Xerxes by Frank Miller)
With Eva Green (Artemisia), Rodrigo Santoro (Xerxes), and Sullivan Stapleton (Themistocles)

Spoiler alert: mild