#WalrusMaybe?

TUSK

One of the best and worst horror-comedies of the 2010s in a single 101 minute package.  Koo koo kachoo.

2014

Written and directed by Kevin Smith

Spoiler alert: moderate

Darren Aronofsky, part VII: Wet dreams

NOAH

Upon returning to Noah after three years, I find the opposite of what I thought it was.  Now I know: it's one of the most philosophically-engaged religious films ever made.  That doesn't mean it's one of the best, but it is one of the better ones made lately.

2014

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Written by Dr. Ari Handel and Darren Aronofsky

With Russell Crowe (Noah), Jennifer Connelly (Naameh), Douglas Booth (Shem), Logan Lerman (Ham), Leo McHugh Carroll (Japheth), Emma Watson (Ila), Frank Langella (Og), Nick Nolte (Samyaza), Anthony Hopkins (Methuselah), and Ray Winstone (Tubal-cain)

Spoiler alert: high, I guess, but also N/A

Land of the forgotten

THE BOOK OF LIFE

Despite suffering badly under the weight of the usual sins of 21st century animation, The Book of Life shines even so.  And it's definitely the best cartoon about Dia de Muertos they've made so far, Pixar.

2014

Directed by Jorge R. Gutierrez

Written by Doug Langdale and Jorge R. Gutierrez

With Diego Garcia (Manolo Sanchez), Zoe Saldana (Maria Posada), Famed Latino Actor Channing Tatum (Jaoquin Mondragon), Hector Elizondo (Carlos Sanchez), Ice Cube (The Candlemaker), Kate del Castillo (La Muerte), and Ron Perlman (Xibalba)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Laika Week, part III: Frankly, he's done rather well for a kid with pronounced, disabling rickets

THE BOXTROLLS

The good times at Laika just keep on rolling, with the kid's gross-out flick to beat them all.

2014

Directed by Graham Annable and Anthony Stacchi

Written by Irena Brignull, Adam Pava, Phil Dale, Vera Brosgol, and Anthony Stucchi (based on the book Here Be Monsters by Alan Snow)

With Isaac Hempstead Wright (Eggs), Elle Fanning (Winnifred Portley-Rind), Dee Bradley Baker (Fish), Steve Blum (Shoe), Simon Pegg (Herbert Trubshaw), Jared Harris (Lord Portley-Rind), Nick Frost (Mr. Trout), Richard Ayoade (Mr. Pickles), Tracy Morgan (Mr. Gristle), and Ben Kingsley (Archibald Snatcher)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Putting the "list" in "miserablist!" (or, the films of David Fincher ranked, no. 1)

For going on twenty years now—my how time flies—David Fincher has been our preeminent auteur of gross, depressing tales of murder and mayhem.  Almost uniquely, Fincher has mastered a high-wire balancing act in the thriller genre, crafting films that are formally pristine, morally bracing, thematically insidious, emotionally devastating, and—most important of all—highly entertaining.  Though chiefly noted for this selfsame prediliction toward the pleasantly unpleasant, Fincher has tried his hand at other things, too—one time it was good, one time it was the worst thing ever.  On this episode: marriage.

Spoiler alert: severe (previously discussed in a spoiler-free review here)

A million ways to die in the West

THE HOMESMAN

The Homesman is an uncompromising vision of human nature that, nonetheless, seems a little too selective in what it wants to look at.  Even so, it's as good a Western that came out in 2014 (and since that's a bar that basically does not exist, let's also say it's very good in its own right, too).

2014
Directed by Tommy Lee Jones
Written by Kieran Fitzgerald, Wesley A. Oliver, and Tommy Lee Jones (based on the novel by Glendon Swarthout)
With Hillary Swank (Mary Bee Cuddy) and Tommy Lee Jones (the homesman d/b/a "George Briggs")

Spoiler alert: moderate

But a cat would have run away and survived, obviating much bloodshed

JOHN WICK

John Wick is not quite great, but much of it is almost perfect, and it's so damned close to greatness, it makes me want to explode.  Just like Keanu's head there.

2014
Directed by Chad Stahleski and David Leitch
Written by Derek Kolstad
With Keanu Reeves (John Wick), Bridget Moynahan (Helen Wick), Michael Nyqvist (Viggo Tarasov), Alfie Allen (Iosef Tarasov), Willem Dafoe (Marcus), Ian McShane (Winston), Lance Reddick (Charon), John Leguizamo (Aureilo), and Adrianne Palicki (Ms. Perkins)

Spoiler alert: mild

Microbots took my job!

BIG HERO 6

In 2013, Frozen doubled-down on the return to Disney tradition represented by Tangled: big musical numbers, romantic subplot, and a "girl-centric" narrative, whatever that means.  Last year came Big Hero 6, which is a violent, funny revenge film.  Okay... those are cool, too.

2014
Directed by Don Hall and Chris Williams
Written by Jordan Roberts, Daniel Gerson, and Robert S. Baird (based on the comic by two guys going by the collective name of "Man of Action," believe it or—more likely—not)
With Scott Adsit (Baymax), Ryan Potter (Hiro Hamada), Daniel Henny (Tadashi Hamada), Jamie Chung (Go-Go), Damon Wayans, Jr. (Wasabi), Genesis Rodriguez (Honey Lemon), and T.J. Miller (Fred)

Spoiler alert: somewhere in that wasteland between moderate and high

"Science fiction triple feature" does still fit the meter, right?

AUTOMATA

2014 Espana/USA
Directed by Gabe Ibanez
Written by Igor Legarreta, Javier Sanchez Donate, and Gabe Ibanez
With Antonio Banderas (Jacq Vaucan), Dylan McDermott (Sean Wallace), Robert Forster (Robert Bold), Brigitte Hjort Sorensen (Rachel Vaucan), and Melanie Griffith (Dupre)

THE ONE I LOVE

2014
Directed by Charlie McDowell
Written by Justin Lader
With Mark Duplass (Ethan), Elisabeth Moss (Sophie), and Ted Danson (The Therapist)

PREDESTINATION

2014 (our future selves traveling to the past)/2015 (while we're still on the upward slope of our curved worldline)
Directed by Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig
Written by Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig (based on the story "All You Zombies" by Robert Heinlein)
With Sarah Snook (The Unmarried Mother), Ethan Hawke (The Barkeep), and Noah Taylor (Mr. Robertson)

Spoiler alert: moderate all around

Play one wrong note and you die

WHIPLASH

Another film that will make any right-minded human being happy that Damien Chazelle makes movies instead of hitting a hollow cylinder with a stick.

2014 (Harvard grads and their ilk)/2015 (the peasantry)
Written and directed by Damien Chazelle
With Miles Teller (Andrew Neimann), J.K. Simmons (Terence Fletcher), and Paul Reiser (Jim Neimann)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Apparently, what the world looks like to Canadians

THE ART OF THE STEAL

One of 2014's most oddly-cut diamonds in the rough.

2013 (Canada, one screen in Texas)/2014 (everywhere else)
Written and directed by Jonathan Sobol
With Kurt Russell ("Crunch" Calhoun), Matt Dillon (Nicky Calhoun), Jay Baruchel (Francie), Kenneth Walsh ("Uncle" Paddy MacCarthy), Chris Diamantopolous (Guy de Cornet), Katherine Wynnick (Lola), Jason Jones (Agent Bick), and Terence Stamp (Samuel Winter)

Spoiler alert: mild

Doc Sportello's Holistic Detective Agency

INHERENT VICE

Inherent Vice is a redemption, half-hearted in its way, but it's deliberate and I'm willing to recognize it as such.  (Whereas if you actually liked The Master, that statement doesn't apply: you'll probably just love this movie, and I don't get you at all.)

2014 (the best)/2015 (the rest)
Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
Written by Paul Thomas Anderson (based on the novel by Thomas Pynchon)
With Joaquin Phoenix (Larry "Doc" Sportello), Josh Brolin (Lt. Det. Christian "Bigfoot" Bjornson), Katherine Waterston (Shasta Fay Hepworth), and a whole mess of other people, too

Spoiler alert: Dave's not here, man (that is to say "mild")

Only a crazy man would own a rocket!

BRICK MANSIONS

Remember parkour?  Sure you do!  Despite an array of problems—hell, because of its array of problems—Brick Mansions is nice, low-rent fun.

2014
Directed by Camille Delamarre
Written by Luc Besson (based on the screenplay Banlieue 13 by Luc Besson and Bibi Naceri)
With David Belle (Lino), Paul Walker (Damien), Catalina Denis (Lola), RZA (Tremaine), Gouchy Boy (K2), and Ayisha Issa (Rayzah)

Spoiler alert: mild

The war comes home (finally)

THE GUEST

Rarely has the better been more obviously the enemy of the good enough.

2014 (the fancy, with their fancy pants!)/2015 (harumph)
Directed by Adam Wingard
Written by Simon Barrett
With Dan Stevens (David Collins), Maika Monroe (Anna Peterson), Brendan Meyer (Luke Peterson), Sheila Kelley (Laura Peterson), Leland Orser (Spencer Peterson), and Lance Reddick (Maj. Carver)

Spoiler alert: moderate

The nerds of Albion, part II: Setting us up the bombe

THE IMITATION GAME

89% of a really good movie!

2014
Directed by Morten Tyldum
Written by Graham Moore (based on the book Alan Turing: The Enigma by Andrew Hodges)
With Benedict Cumberbatch (Alan Turing), Keira Knightley (Joan Clarke), Matthew Goode (Hugh Alexander), Allen Leech (John Cairncross), Matthew Beard (Peter Hilton), Charles Dance (Cmdr. Denniston), Mark Strong (Stewart Menzies), and Alex Lawther (Young Alan Turing)

Spoiler alert: inapplicable, but let's say "high," if you didn't get a good education, like at Cambridge

Finally, refusing to ever watch E.T. again pays off!

EARTH TO ECHO

An effervescently sweet little piece of boilerplate, and only mildly undermined—surprisingly—by its found-footage conceit.

2014
Directed by Dave Green
Written by Henry Gayden and Andrew Panay
With Teo Halm (Alex), Reese Hartwig (Munch), Ella Wahlestedt (Emma), and Astro (Tuck) (and are you kidding me)

Spoiler alert: mild

What Schrodinger's cat usually does in his box

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Having myself a patriotic little Christmas

THE INTERVIEW

I liked the part with the imperial overreach.  Meanwhile, James Franco reinforces his reputation as (perhaps) the best performer of comic ejaculation pantomime to have ever lived.

2014
Directed by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen
Written by Dan Sterling, Seth Rogen, and Evan Goldberg
With James Franco (Dave Skylark), Seth Rogen (Aaron Rapoport), Randall Park (Kim Jong-un), Diana Bang (Sook), and Lizzy Caplan (Lacey)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Signal to noise

THE SIGNAL

It's so much easier to enjoy a bad movie when watching it is not also watching a great movie die in its place.

2014
Directed by William Eubanks
Written by William Frigerio, Carlyle Eubanks, and William Eubanks
With Brenton Thwaites (Nic), Beau Knapp (Jonah), Olivia Cooke (Haley), and Laurence Fishburne (Damon)

Spoiler alert: moderate

The nerds of Albion, part I: A brief history of how two people had sex, at least three times

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

For a movie with a title like that, you'd think it'd be willing to explain itself, at least occasionally.

2014
Directed by James Marsh
Written by Anthony McKarten (based on the book by Jane Wilde Hawking)
With Eddie Redmayne (Stephen Hawking) and Felicity Jones (Jane Wilde Hawking) 

Spoiler: moderate, I guess, but if ever a spoiler warning was inapplicable...