Super Week, Addendum: Leave this place, and do no harm!

SUPERGIRL

Now, what I said was, there was no such thing as a bad Superman movie—and it's a shame that it has to be phrased that misogynistically.  But here we are, and no matter how I phrase it, our return to Kryptonian cinema leads us to one of the most legendarily awful movies of the whole 1980s.

1984

Directed by Jeannot Szwarcz

Written by David Odell

With Helen Slater (Kara Zor-El/Linda Lee), Mia Farrow (Alura Zor-El), Peter O'Toole (Zaltar), Maureen Teefy (Lucy Lane), Hart Bochner (Ethan), Marc McClure (Jimmy Olsen), Brenda Vicarro (Bianca), Peter Cook (Nigel), and Faye Dunaway (Selena)

Spoiler alert: moderate

John Carpenter, part 0: Stab your eyes—I'm a man! I'm my OWN man!

EYES OF LAURA MARS

A banner year for Carpenter, 1978 saw his name on four different motion pictures—and fully half of them were any good!  But Eyes of Laura Mars, in case you didn't get the hint, was in the other half.

1978

Directed by Irvin Kershner

Written by David Zelag Goodman and John Carpenter

With Faye Dunaway (Laura Mars), Tommy Lee Jones (Lt. John Neville), Rene Auberjonois (Donald Phelps), Brad Dourif (Tommy Ludlow), and Raul Julia (Michael Reisler)

Spoiler alert: severe

Content warning: mild ART