Walt Disney, part LVIII: Why Kida can't read—and what you can do about it

ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE

2001

Directed by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise

Written by Joss Whedon, Bryce Zabel, Jackie Zabel, Tab Murphy, Gary Trousdale, and Kirk Wise

Spoilers: high

Ocean's Week: I have a question. Say we get into the cage, through the security doors there, and down the elevator we can't move, and past the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can't open...

OCEAN'S ELEVEN

2001

Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Written by Ted Griffin

Spoilers: moderate

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human

PLANET OF THE APES

2001

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by William Boyles Jr., Lawrence Konner, and Mark Rosenthal

Spoilers: high

Steven Spielberg, part XXV: I am! I was...

A.I.: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

The collision of two of cinema's all-time greatest artists results in a strange but intoxicating blend of aesthetics and attitudes, and as obnoxiously mixed-up as it sometimes gets, Spielberg pulls off something unique and wonderful and timeless.

2001

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Written by Ian Watson, Brian Aldiss, and Steven Spielberg (based on the short story "Super-Toys Last All Summer Long" by Brian Aldiss)

With Haley Joel Osment (David), Jack Angel (Teddy), Jude Law (Gigolo Joe), Frances O'Connor (Monica Swinton), Sam Robards (Henry Swinton), Jake Thomas (Martin Swinton), Brendan Gleeson (Lord Johnson-Johnson), William Hurt (Prof. Allen Hobby), and Ben Kingsley (Narrationbot 4000)

John Carpenter, part XXVI: Death metal

GHOSTS OF MARS

Carpenter enters the 21st century with Ghosts of Mars, a picture that squanders an awful lot of imagination, and a not inconsiderable amount of narrative elegance, with a hoary scenario filled up with mostly-lousy action, and its predictable and justified failure nearly drove JC from filmmaking altogether.

2002
Directed by John Carpenter

Written by Larry Sulkis and John Carpenter

With Natasha Henstridge (Lt. Melanie Ballard), Ice Cube (Desolation Williams), Pam Grier (Cmdr. Helena Braddock), Jason Statham (Sgt. Jericho), Clea Duvall (Bashira Kincaid), Liam Waite (Michael Descanso), Joanna Cassidy (Dr. Whitlock), and Richard Cetrone (Big Daddy Mars)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Jurassic Week, part III: It is in the rock that real scientists make real discoveries

JURASSIC PARK III

In which we learn, again, that sometimes the very best thing a movie can be about is itself.  Now, about that ending...

2001
Directed by Joe Johnston
Written by Peter Buchman, Alexander Payne, and Jim Taylor (based on characters created by Michael Crichton)
With Sam Neill (Dr. Alan Grant), Laura Dern (Dr. Ellie Sattler), William H. Macy (Paul Kirby), Tea Leoni (Amanda Kirby), Alessandro Nivola (Billy Brennan), and Trevor Morgan (Eric Kirby)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Ron's heartworm medication, part I

HARRY POTTER AND THE ____________
Directed by Chris Columbus (1-2), Alfonso Cuaron (3), Mark Newell (4), and David Yates (5-8)
Written by Steve Klove (1-4, 6-8) and Michael Goldenburg (5) (based on the novels by J.K. Rowling)
With the population of Britain—Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter), Emma Watson (Hermione Granger), Rupert Grint (Ron Weasly), Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy), Richard Harris (Prof. Albus Dumbledore, vol. 1), Michael Gambon (Prof. Albus Dumbledore, vol. 2), Robbie Coltrane (Rubeus Hagrid), Alan Rickman (Prof. Severus Snape), Kenneth Branagh (Prof. Gilderoy Lockhart), Gary Oldman (Sirius Black), David Thewlis (Prof. Remus Lupin), Brendon Gleeson (Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody), Jim Broadbent (Prof. Horace Slughorn), Timothy Spall (Wormtail), Maggie Smith (Prof. Minerva MacGonacle), Imelda Staunton (Dolores Umbridge), Helena Bonham Carter (Bellatrix Lestrange), Warwick Davis (various), and Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort)

Spoiler alert: I'm trying to keep it at moderate—God alone knows whom for—but it will unavoidably slip into high in regards the later films