Another castle

THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE

2023

Directed by Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic

Written by Matthew Fogel

Spoilers: moderate

Galaxy's edge

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3

2023

Written and directed by James Gunn

Spoilers: moderate to high

Leggo my LEGO

THE LEGO MOVIE 2: THE SECOND PART

Much better than its lukewarm commercial reception lets on, The LEGO Movie 2 may not surpass its progenitor, but it's probably the worthiest sequel it was ever going to get.

2019

Directed by Mike Mitchell

Written by Matthew Fogel, Phil Lord, and Christopher Miller

Spoiler alert: moderate

Send in the clones

JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

Seriously, why is it so hard to take $200 million and turn it into a good movie about dinosaurs?  Oh, because they're not even making movies about dinosaurs anymore.  If I wanted to watch a movie about made-up monsters, I have other, much better options; and hence Fallen Kingdom follows up on Jurassic World to surrender even more of what granted their predecessors their power, and, yes, their occasional sense of holiness, even when they were at their worst.

2018
Directed by J.A. Bayona
Written by Derek Connelly and Colin Trevorrow
With Chris Pratt (Owen Grady), Bryce Dallas Howard (Claire Dearing), Daniella Pinada (Zia Rodriguez), Justice Smith (Franklin Webb), James Cromwell (Benjamin Lockwood), Isabella Sermon (Maisie Lockwood), Toby Jones (Eversol), Ted Levine (Ken Wheatley), BD Wong (Dr. Henry Wu), and Rafe Spall (Eli Mills)

Spoiler alert: moderateish, or high, if you actually are as stupid as the movie thinks you are

"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate," he said, to which the dashing rogue replied, slowly, "What's that make us?"

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2

Probably the most fun you'll have in a movie theater this summer—at least, as long as it's trying to be fun.  But then, there are those other parts.

2017

Written and directed by James Gunn

With Chris Pratt (Peter Quill), Zoe Saldana (Gamora), Dave Bautista (Drax), Bradley Cooper & Sean Gunn (Rocket), Vin Diesel (Groot), Pom Klementieff (Mantis), Michael Rooker (Yondu), Sean Gunn (Kraglin), Karen Gillan (Nebula), Elizabeth Debicki (Ayesha), and Kurt Russell (Ego)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Jurassic Week, part IV: Yes, the first Jurassic Park was legit, you fucking knob

JURASSIC WORLD

Behold!  14 years, and this is all they came up with!

2015
Directed by Colin Trevorrow
Written by Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, Derek Connolly, and Colin Trevorrow
With Bryce Dallas Howard (Claire Dearing), Chris Pratt (Owen Grady), Nick Robinson (Zach), Ty Simpkins (Gray), Irrfan Khan (Simon Masrani), Vincent D'Onofrio (Hoskins), and B.D. Wong (Dr. Henry Wu)

Spoiler alert: mild

Chris Pratt and the Infinity Watch

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Great space opera, by the skin of its stupid, laughing, grinning teeth.

2014
Directed by James Gunn
Written by James Gunn and Nicole Perlman (based on the comic by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning)
With Chris Pratt (Peter "Starlord" Quill), Zoe Saldana (Gamora), Vin Diesel (Groot), Bradley Cooper (Rocket), Dave Bautista (Drax the Destroyer), Lee Pace (Ronan the Accuser), Karen Gillan (Nebula), Josh Brolin (Thanos), and Benicio Del Toro (The Collector, whom a reasonable person would have believed would have been in the movie more, but gosh if he ain't great)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Batman is the worst person I have ever met

THE LEGO MOVIE

Without falling victim to the awful traps its very premise sets for itself, The Lego Movie is largely devoid of the gimmricky, nonsensicality, and overwrought sentimentality one might have feared; instead, even if its philosophy of life is really very terribly suspect, it never fails to deliver it with intensely beautiful, genuinely funny, and sweetly moving verve.  Plus, if you add up all the jokes at his expense, it makes fun of Batman for like a full half hour, which would be worth a pass even if the other sixty minutes were literally blank screen.

2014
Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller
Written by Dan Hageman, Kevin Hageman, Phil Lord, and Christopher Miller
With Chris Pratt (Emmet Brickowoski), Elizabeth Banks (Wyldstyle), Will Arnett (The Bat-Man), Allison Brie (Unikitty), Charlie Day (Benny), Morgan Freeman (Vitruvius), and Will Ferrell (Lord Business)

Spoiler alert: mild, rising to high with warning (or severe; see the second paragraph after the grade, but if you're extra-sensitive just go watch the movie as soon as you see that big bold "A", for Lego is superb)