Cardboard Science: Weird West

THE VALLEY OF GWANGI

1969

Directed by Jim O'Connolly

Written by Willis O'Brien, William Bast, and Julian More

THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN

1956

Directed by Ismael Rodriguez and Edward Nassour

Written by Willis O'Brien, Robert Hill, and Jack DeWitt

Spoilers: moderate

Why should I feel sorry? It was Claude Daigle who got drowned, not me

THE BAD SEED

1956

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

Written by John Lee Mahin (based on the play by Maxwell Anderson based on the novel by William March)

Spoiler alert: moderate

G-d Week: Life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, stripe for stripe.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

1956

Directed by Cecil B. DeMille

Written by Aeneas MacKenzie, Jesse L. Lasky Jr., Jack Gariss, and Frederic M. Frank (based on the books by Philo, Josephus, various rabbis, Dorothy Clarke Wilson, J.H. Ingraham, A.E. Southon, and God)

Spoiler alert: he lets the people go; it all worked out great

If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance

INVITATION TO THE DANCE

If every musical of the 1950s winds up turning into a pretentious art film for ten or twenty minutes, what would happen if a musical was simply conceived as a pretentious art film from the start?  That's the experiment Gene Kelly ran when he made Invitation to the Dance, and the results, while mixed, suggest that Kelly's opus deserves a higher profile amongst its brethren musicals than the near-obscurity which, sadly, it actually enjoys.

1952/1956

Directed by, choreographed by, and starring Gene Kelly

Spoiler alert: moderate

He hit me, mother, he hit me hard, but it didn't hurt—it felt like a kiss

CAROUSEL

Not even being good in the first place leaves this sexist anti-classic nowhere to hide, so now that we've found it, let's punish it.

1956

Directed by Henry King

Written by Phoebe Ephron, Henry Ephron, Benjamin Glazer, Richard Rodgers, and Oscar Hammerstein II (based on play based on the book Liliom by Ferenc Molnar)

With Gordon MacRae (Billy Bigelow), Shirley Jones (Julie Jordan), Barbara Ruick (Carrie Pipperidge), Rupert Rounseville (Enoch Snow), Susan Luckey (Louise Bigelow), Audrey Christie (Mrs. Mullin), Cameron Mitchell (Jigger Craigin), and Gene Lockhart (The Starkeeper)

Spoiler alert: severe

Cardboard Science: Take that, George Washington!

EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS

Ray Harryhausen codifies alien invasion cinema with this sub-classic from the middle of the 1950s, tying in everything you thought you knew about UFOs into one spectacular package, gifted with some of the very best special effects of the whole era—though you routinely wish there were a whole lot more of them.

1956

Directed by Fred F. Sears

Written by Curt Siodmak, George Worthing Yates, and Bernard Gordon (based on the book Flying Saucers From Outer Space by Donald Keyhoe)

With Hugh Marlowe (Dr. Russell Marvin), Joan Taylor (Carol Marvin nee Hanley), Donald Curtis (Maj. Huglin), Morris Ankum (Brig. Gen. John Hanley), and Paul Frees (The Voice of the Saucermen)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cardboard Science: The movie is nothing but ropes and asses!

THE MOLE PEOPLE

An archaeological adventure with more on its mind than it seems, The Mole People wasn't consigned to the dustbin of cinematic history for no reason, but it deserves to be pulled back out, for it offers not just the lowest-fi kind of genre fun, but a good message.

1956
Directed by Virgil Vogel
Written by Laszlo Gorog
With John Agar (Dr. Roger Bentley), Hugh Beaumont (Dr. Jud Bellamin), Nestor Paiva (Prof. Etienne LaFarge), Phil Chambers (Dr. Paul Stuart), Rodd Redwing (Nazar), Alan Napier (Elinu, the High Priest), Cynthia Patrick (Adad), and Dr. Frank C. Baxter (Dr. Frank C. Baxter)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cardboard Science: Gill-Man or Astro-Man?

THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US

Loopy and unjustified, but at least there's some noticeable heart in the third and final chapter of the Black Lagoon trilogy, which is a lot more than you can say about the second.

1956
Directed by John Sherwood
Written by Arthur Ross
With Rex Reason (Dr. Thomas Morgan), Jeff Morrow (Dr. William Barton), Leigh Snowden (Marcia Barton), Ricou Browning (The Gill-Man), and Don Megowan (The... Lung-Man?)

Spoiler alert: high

Cardboard Science: Twisted Eden

The Cardboard Science series intends to be a catalog of the science fiction of the past, today.  Science errors will be mocked.  20th century mores will be challenged.  Glories will be recorded.  Films will be, as usual, reviewed.

FORBIDDEN PLANET

The standard by which all space opera is judged, and I doubt I could love it more even if Anne Francis were wearing fewer clothes than she already is.

1956
Directed by Fred Wilcox
Written by Cyril Hume, Irving Block, and Allen Adler (based on The Tempest by William Shakespeare)
With Leslie Nielsen (Commander Adams), Walter Pidgeon (Dr. Morbius), Anne Francis (Altaira), Warren Stevens ("Doc" Ostrow), Jack Kelly (Lt. Farman), Earl Holliman (Cooky), and Robby the Robot (himself) (huh?)

Spoiler alert: severe
Content warning: I do cuss a lot in this one, but the main thing to warn you about is that it's excruciatingly long.  Cardboard Science was conceived as something I could do on the fly, because I'd be mostly discussing B-movies that were barely made at all, and I'm sure that's how it will be as the usual case.  But if we must begin with Forbidden Planet, and I'm afraid we must, the effort must be taken quite seriously.  On the plus side, there are a lot of juvenile jokes, and I split it up into parts so you can quit reading and never return to it.