Cardboard Science: Descartes with the death ray eyes

THE COLOSSUS OF NEW YORK

The mind-body problem may be one of the biggest wastes of time in all philosophy—but it's a pretty great origin for a soulless mechanical monster.  The Colossus of New York remains one of the 1950s' most memorable science fiction films.

1958
Directed by Eugene Lourie
Written by Thelma Schnee and Willis Goldbeck
With John Baragray (Dr. Henry Spensser), Otto Kruger (Dr. William Spensser), Ross Martin (Dr. Jeremy Spensser), Mala Powers (Anne Spensser), Charles Hebert (Billy Spensser), Robert Hutton (Dr. John Carrington), and Ed Wolff (The Colossus)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cardboard Science: When everybody does the dinosaur, everybody should get the dinosaur's affirmative consent first

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Cardboard Science: Does your learned young friend always go on like this?

THE DEADLY MANTIS

The dullest movie about a giant mantis terrorizing America you're ever likely to see.

1957
Directed by Nathan Hertz Juran
Written by Martin Berkeley and William Alland
With Alix Talton (Marge Blaine), William Hopper (Dr. Nedrick "Ned" Jackson), and Craig Stevens (Col. Joe Parkman)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cardboard Science: Gill-Man or Astro-Man?

THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US

Loopy and unjustified, but at least there's some noticeable heart in the third and final chapter of the Black Lagoon trilogy, which is a lot more than you can say about the second.

1956
Directed by John Sherwood
Written by Arthur Ross
With Rex Reason (Dr. Thomas Morgan), Jeff Morrow (Dr. William Barton), Leigh Snowden (Marcia Barton), Ricou Browning (The Gill-Man), and Don Megowan (The... Lung-Man?)

Spoiler alert: high

Cardboard Science: The secret history of Boomers

THE SPACE CHILDREN

Minor Jack Arnold, and take that with as much or as little irony as you require.  I'd prefer that you took it with none.  (But, yes, it does suck.)

1958
Directed by Jack Arnold
Written by Bernard Schoenfield and Tom Filer
With Michel Ray (Bud Brewster), Adam Williams (Dave Brewster), Peggy Webber (Anne Brewster), Johnny Crawford (Ken Brewster), Sandy Descher (Eadie Johnson), Johnny Washbrook (Tim Gamble), Russell Johnson (Joe Gamble), Raymond Bailey (Dr. Wahrman) (get it? I guess?)

Spoiler alert: high

Cardboard Science: Still fearing the spider

TARANTULA

GODDAM SPIDER

1955
Directed by Jack Arnold
Written by Martin Berkeley, Robert M. Fresco, and Jack Arnold
With John Agar (Dr. Matt Hastings), Mara Corday (Stephanie "Steve" Clayton), Leo Carroll (Prof. Gerald Deemer), Nestor Paiva (Sheriff Jack Andrews), and Tamara (herself)

Spoiler alert: severe

Cardboard Science: I may be the dumbest man to ever walk the Earth

THIS ISLAND EARTH

In the aggregate, the science fiction mediocrity for all time.

1955
Directed by Joseph Newman (and, maybe, possibly, sort of... Jack Arnold)
Written by Franklin Coen and Edward G. O'Callaghan (based on the story "The Alien Machine" by Raymond F. Jones)
With Jeff Morrow (Exeter), Rex Reason (Dr. Cal Meachum), Faith Domergue (Dr. Ruth Adams), Russell Johnson (Dr. Steve Carlson), Robert Nichols (Joe Wilson), Lance Fuller (Brack), Douglas Spencer (the Monitor), Orangey (Neutron), and Regis Parton (the Mu-tant)

Spoiler alert: high

Cardboard Science: A film by Gabriela Cowperthwaite

REVENGE OF THE CREATURE

What if... King Kong were six foot even, and he had to return to the water every three minutes to breathe? Why, it would be just terrible.

1955
Directed by Jack Arnold
Written by Martin Berkeley and William Alland
With John Agar (Prof. Clete Ferguson), Lori Nelson (Helen Dobson), Nestor Paiva (Lucas), Tom Hennessey (the Gill-Man on land), and Ricou Browning (the Gill-Man underwater)

Spoiler alert: high

Cardboard Science: The horror... the Universal Horror...

THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

Errand boys for museum directors sent to collect a fossil go upriver in search of the discovery of the century, and they find it.  Then it tries to molest the errand girl that's also come along, because—well, because it is, after all, Universal Horror, so he's got to, whether this makes sense or not.  But you don't need me to tell you that everything else Creature offers ranges from the good to the legitimately great.

1954
Directed by Jack Arnold
Written by Arthur Ross, Harry Essex, Maurice Zimm, and William Alland
Black Lagoon West: Richard Carlson (Dr. David Reed), Julie Adams (Kay Lawrence), Richard Denning (Mark Williams), Nestor Paiva (Capt. Lucas), Whit Bissell (Dr. Edwin Thompson), and Ben Chapman (The Gill-Man)
Black Lagoon East: Stanley Crew (Dr. David Reed), Ginger Stanley (Kay Lawrence), Jack Bentz (Mark Williams), and Ricou Browning (The Gill-Man)

Spoiler alert: severe

(Both this review and the previous in this series are indebted to historian Tom Weaver, whose film commentaries are a treasure trove of meticulous and firsthand research.)

Cardboard Science: No, Ray, I fear the spider because I do understand it

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE

An interstellar incident with both sides to blame, but seen through self-loathing eyes; an allegory for overcoming intolerance, marketed largely upon its horror elements.  Like capitalism, it continues to fail to collapse under its own internal contradictions; unlike capitalism, it is pretty darned good.  Happy Labor Day!

1953
Directed by Jack Arnold
Written by Ray Bradbury and Harry Essex
With Richard Carlson (John Putnam), Barbara Rush (Ellen Fields), Charles Drake (Sheriff Matt Warren), Joe Sawyer (Frank), Russell Johnson (George), and Kathleen Hughes (June)

Spoiler alert: high