Ad nauseam

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Here's James Gray's masterclass on how to ruin a movie that was perfectly above-average until he got to it in post.

2019

Directed by James Gray

Written by Ethan Gross and James Gray

Spoiler alert: moderate

Duncan Jones, part I: Three year stretch

MOON

Fundamentally perfect sci-fi delivered in a gorgeous package that never quite belies either its pittance of a budget or the inexperience of its director, Moon is a movie for the ages.

2009

Directed by Duncan Jones

Written by Nathan Parker and Duncan Jones

With Sam Rockwell (Sam Bell), Kevin Spacey (GERTY), and Sam Rockwell (Sam Bell)

Spoiler alert: high, in the sense that I describe the basic dynamic of a decade old film's plot, anyway

Life in space is impossible

LIFE

Pleasantly grim and agreeably boilerplate, the worst thing you can say about Life is that it doesn't live up to its influences, but then, not too much does.

2017

Directed by Daniel Espinosa

Written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick

With Olga Dihovichnaya (Ekaterina Golovkina), Rebecca Ferguson (Dr. Miranda North), Jake Gyllenhaal (Dr. David Jordan), Ariyon Bakare (Dr. Hugh Derry), Hiroyuki Sanada (Sho Murakami), and Ryan Reynolds (Rory Adams)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Alien Week, part I: The terror from beyond space

ALIEN

As the film that kickstarted the whole cycle of sci-fi horror in the 1980s, we are forever in Alien's debt; and for being awesome in and of itself, we absolutely must pay it the respect it's due.  But, guys, sometimes a near-masterpiece can just be a near-masterpiece, and you don't need to give it full marks merely to recognize how important, or even how good, it actually is.

1979

Directed by Ridley Scott

Written by Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, David Giler, and Walter Hill

With Sigourney Weaver (Ripley), Tom Skerritt (Dallas), Veronica Cartwright (Lambert), John Hurt (Kane), Yaphet Kotto (Parker), Harry Dean Stanton (Brett), Ian Holm (Ash), Helen Horton (Mother), and Bolaji Badejo (the Alien)

Spoiler alert: joking, yes?

Cardboard Science: The wheel in the sky keeps on turning

CONQUEST OF SPACE

George Pal returns to outer space, but we don't much like what he brings back.

1955

Directed by Byron Haskin

Written by James O'Hanlon, Phillip Yordan, Barre Lyndon, and George Worthing Yates (vaguely inspired by the book The Conquest of Space by Willy Ley and Chesley Bonestell)

With Eric Fleming (Capt. Barney Merritt), Phil Foster (Sgt. Jackie "Brooklyn" Seigel), Benson Fong (Sgt. Imoto), Ross Martin (Sgt. Andre Fodor), and William Redfield (Roy Cooper), Mickey Shaughnessy (Sgt. Mahoney), and Walter Brooke (Gen. Samuel T. Merritt)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cardboard Science: Do you wanna go to lunch, or do you wanna go to the moon?

DESTINATION MOON

Opening the decade with a big nuclear bang, this hyper-conservative Cold War tale of human advancement through atom-based capitalism remains influential—and pretty damned good on its merits, too, despite its frankly laughable assumptions about the way the world works.

1950

Directed by Irving Pichel

Written by Alford Van Ronkel, Robert Heinlein, and James O'Hanlon (based on the novel Rocketship Galileo by Robert Heinlein)

With John Archer (Jim Barnes), Warner Anderson (Dr. Charles Cargraves), Tom Powers (Gen. Thayer), and Dick Wesson (Joe Sweeney)

Spoiler alert: moderate

John Carpenter, part I: In space, no one can hear you... surf?

DARK STAR

Sure, there's something going on here, but there's a reason why most student films aren't released to general audiences.

1974
Directed by John Carpenter
Written by Dan O'Bannon and John Carpenter
With Brian Narelle (Lt. Doolittle), Cal Kuniholm (Boiler), Dre Pahich (Talby), Dan O'Bannon (Pinback), Cookie Knapp (the Computer), Joe Saunders (Cmdr. Powell), and Adam Beckenbaugh (Bomb 20)

Spoiler alert: moderate

The Adventures of CrusoeBot 5000

THE MARTIAN

The Martian is STEM propaganda with an inhuman bent, but despite the weaknesses inherent in that description, it works.

2015
Directed by Ridley Scott
Written by Drew Goddard (based on the novel by Andy Weir)
With Matt Damon (Mark Watney), Jessica Chastain (Melissa Lewis), Chiwetel Ejiofor (Vincent Kapoor), Jeff Daniels (Terry Sanders), Kristen Wiig (Annie Montrose), Donald Glover (Rich Purnell), Mackenzie Davis (Mindy Park), Michael Pena (Rick Martinez), Kate Mara (Beth Johanssen), Sebastian Stan (Chris Beck), Aksel Hennie (Alex Vogel), and Benedict Wong (Bruce Ng)

Spoiler alert: moderate

In space, no one can hear you psychologically fracture

SPACE STATION 76

Are you ready for some wacky fun times in the stupid future our parents imagined?  It's got smoking!  And Valium!  And just look at that silly poster!  Ha ha!

2014
Directed by Jack Plotnick
Written by Jennifer Elise Cox, Kali Rocha, Michael Stoyanov, Sam Pancake (apparently), and Jack Plotnick
With Patrick Wilson (Capt. Glenn), Liv Tyler (Jessica), Marisa Coughlan (Misty), Matt Bomer (Ted), Jerry O'Connell (Steve), Kali Rocha (Donna), and Kylie Rogers (Sunshine)

Spoiler alert: mild

No poets need apply

GRAVITY

This movie stopped me from suicidally ideating.

2013
Directed by Alfonso Cuaron
Written by Jonas Cuaron and Alfonso Cuaron
With Sandra Bullock (Ryan Stone), George Clooney (Matt Kowalski), and Ed Harris (as Mission Control?—hell, yeah!)

Spoiler alert: moderate  

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT

EUROPA REPORT

2013

Directed by Sebastian Cordero

Written by Philip Gelatt

With Anamaria Marinca (Rosa Dasque), Amnamaria Marinca’s adorable pixie cut (itself), Michael Nyqvist (Andrei Blok), Karolina Wydra (Dr. Katya Petrovna), Sharlto Copley (James Corrigan), Daniel Wu (Dun “William” Xu), Christian Camargo (Dr. Daniel Luxembourg), and Embeth Davidtz (Dr. Samantha Unger)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Europa Report: a science fiction movie where not every technological surface is a touchscreen. If that’s not refreshing enough, how about Europa Report: a found footage horror movie with almost no shaky cam? Or Europa Report: a movie about space that isn’t scientifically retarded?