Some would say that the Earth is our moon

FLY ME TO THE MOON

2024

Directed by Greg Berlanti

Written by Bill Kirstein, Keenan Flynn, and Rose Gilroy

Spoilers: moderate (somewhat inapplicable, obviously)

Write what you know

THE LOST CITY

2022

Directed by Adam Nee and Aaron Nee

Written by Seth Gordon, Oren Uziel, Dana Fox, Adam Nee, and Aaron Nee

Spoilers: moderate

I met a traveler from an antique land

HAIL, CAESAR!

A half-assed tribute hung upon an even more half-assed plot, Hail, Caesar! is still one hell of a fun jaunt through Old Hollywood, and who can argue with fun?  Me, obviously, but I recommend it strongly anyway.

2016
Written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen

With Josh Brolin (Eddie Mannix), George Clooney (Baird Whitlock), Alden Ehrenreich (Hobie Doyle), Ralph Fiennes (Laurence Laurentz), Scarlett Johansson (DeeAnna Moran), Tilda Swinton (Thora Thackeray/Thessaly Thackeray), Frances McDormand (C.C. Calhoun), Veronica Osorio (Carlotta Valdez), Jonah Hill (Joseph Silverman), and Channing Tatum (Burt Gurney)

Spoiler alert: mild

There's the beef, part II: Am I your fire? Your one desire?

MAGIC MIKE XXL

Purely a cash-in but brutally honest about it, MMXXL seemed poised to deliver on all the sexy man gyrations said by blind people to be missing from the original.  Counterintuitively, it seizes on the hang-out comedy of the first instead, delivering a basically pleasant film, with few and mostly-backloaded dancing highlights.

2015
Directed by Gregory Jacobs
Written by Reid Carolin
With Channing Tatum ("Magic" Mike Lane), Mike Manganiello (Big Dick Richie), Matt Bomer (Ken), Adam Rodriguez (Tito), Kevin Nash (Tarzan), Gabriel Iglesias (Tobias), Donald Glover (Andre), Amber Heard (Zoe), and Jada Pinkett Smith (Rome)

Spoiler alert: mild

There's the beef, part I: It's an unbeatable market force

MAGIC MIKE

Fine backstage melodrama and phenomenal dance sequences, all set to a restless and ruthless economic elegy (as well as, occasionally, Ginuwine's "Pony").

2012
Directed by Steven Soderbegh
Written by Reid Carolin
With Channing Tatum ("Magic" Mike Lane), Alex Pettyfer (Adam, "The Kid"), Mike Manganiello (Big Dick Richie), Matt Bomer (Ken), Adam Rodriguez (Tito), Kevin Nash (Tarzan), Gabriel Iglesias (Tobias), Cody Horn (Brooke), Olivia Munn (Joanna), Jada Pinkett Smith (Rome), and Matthew McConaughey (Dallas)

Spoiler alert: high

The object is remarkable for an enormous persistent anticyclonic storm, swirling about the low-pressure zone at its center

JUPITER ASCENDING

Good or bad, I knew it would be weird.  What I couldn't have known was that the Wachowskis' weird could be so boring.

2015
Written and directed by Lana and Lilly Wachowski
With Mila Kunis (Jupiter Jones), Channing Tatum (Caine Wise), Eddie Redmayne (Balem Abrasax), Tuppence Middleton (Kalique Abrasax), and Douglas Booth (Titus Abrasax)

Spoiler alert: mild