This is where I tell you it's a sin to kill a dinosaur

JURASSIC WORLD REBIRTH

2025

Directed by Gareth Edwards

Written by David Koepp

Spoilers: high but not really

Some would say that the Earth is our moon

FLY ME TO THE MOON

2024

Directed by Greg Berlanti

Written by Bill Kirstein, Keenan Flynn, and Rose Gilroy

Spoilers: moderate (somewhat inapplicable, obviously)

A long, long time ago, I can still remember

BLACK WIDOW

2021

Directed by Cate Shortland

Written by Eric Pearson, Jac Schaefer, and Ned Benson

Spoiler alert: high

Don't be stupid, be a smarty

JOJO RABBIT

For all your Nazi dramedy-with-a-heart needs, assuming you needed that for some reason.  Personally, I liked it, though there's a point at which this movie clearly doesn't know what it's doing anymore.

2019

Written and directed by Taika Waititi (based on the novel Caging Skies by Christine Leunens)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Avengers forever

AVENGERS: ENDGAME

The best of the MCU's crossovers without even thinking about it too hard, Avengers: Endgame is even better than that fairly-faint praise implies, and it earns its place in cinema history (and our hearts) for at last giving some its various childlike empresses their names, and bringing some of their neverending stories to a highly satisfying close.

2019

Directed by Joe and Anthony Russo

Written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely

Spoiler alert: severe

The Continuing Adventures of Shield Man, Bird Dude, and That Guy With the Robot Arm

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

Hey, not only did they make an unambiguously good Captain America movie for once, they made the best Avengers ensemble film so far, too—and even the fact that both of these things don't seem like they should go together all that well can't stop it.

2016

Directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo

Written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely (based on the comic by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven)

With Chris Evans (Steve Rogers), Anthony Mackie (Sam Wilson), Sebastian Stan (James "Bucky" Barnes), Jeremy Renner (Clint Barton), Paul Rudd (Scott Lang), Elizabeth Olson (Wanda Maximoff), Scarlett Johannson (Natasha Romanoff), Paul Bettany (The Vision), Tom Holland (Peter Parker), Chadwick Boseman (T'Challa), Don Cheadle (James "Rhodey" Rhodes), Robert Downey, Jr. (Tony Stark), William Hurt (Thaddeus Ross), and Daniel Bruhl (Zemo)

Spoiler alert: mild

I met a traveler from an antique land

HAIL, CAESAR!

A half-assed tribute hung upon an even more half-assed plot, Hail, Caesar! is still one hell of a fun jaunt through Old Hollywood, and who can argue with fun?  Me, obviously, but I recommend it strongly anyway.

2016
Written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen

With Josh Brolin (Eddie Mannix), George Clooney (Baird Whitlock), Alden Ehrenreich (Hobie Doyle), Ralph Fiennes (Laurence Laurentz), Scarlett Johansson (DeeAnna Moran), Tilda Swinton (Thora Thackeray/Thessaly Thackeray), Frances McDormand (C.C. Calhoun), Veronica Osorio (Carlotta Valdez), Jonah Hill (Joseph Silverman), and Channing Tatum (Burt Gurney)

Spoiler alert: mild

Ultron: The Stark Project

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

The summers of the 21st century have taught me one thing above all: America loves nothing more—absolutely nothing more—than watching colorful superhumans churn through armies of gray, faceless enemies.  And that's basically fine, I guess, although the churning here could stand to be more visually interesting and narratively coherent, or—if that's simply impossible—how about shorter?  I think we could all live with "shorter."  Am I the crazy one?

Written and directed by Joss Whedon (based on the comic books by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby)
With Robert Downey, Jr. (Tony Stark/Iron Man), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Chris Evans (Steve Rogers/Captain America), Scarlett Johansson (Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow), Mark Ruffalo (Dr. Bruce Banner/the Hulk), Jeremy Renner (Clint Barton/Hawkeye), Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver), Elizabeth Olsen (Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch), and James Spader (Ultron)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Bangbus U.K. is different

UNDER THE SKIN

Mood and visuals attempt to replace imagination and narrative in this piece of throwback science fiction.  ("Throwback" is a double entendre, in case you weren't sure.)

2014
Directed by Jonathan Glazer
Written by Walter Campbell and Jonathan Glazer (based on the novel by Michael Faber)
With Scarlett Johansson (Samantha)

Spoiler alert: moderate, but this is a largely meaningless category

Turn on, tune in, and drop out of the audience quietly to see if you can get your money back

LUCY

Lucy is a movie that uses only 10% of its cinematic capacity, and I've graded it accordingly.

Written and directed by Luc Besson
With Scarlett Johansson (Lucy), Min-Sik Choi (Chiang), Amr Waked (Pierre Del Rio), and Morgan Freeman (Prof. Morgan Freeman)

Spoiler alert: mild

William Sadler is Number One

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

Enviable talent combines to bring a powerful beginning, middle, and end to a classic superheroic tale.  Then they combine again to make another hour or so of movie.

2011
Directed by Joe Johnston
Written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely
With Chris Evans (Steve Rogers), Sebastian Stan (Bucky Barnes), Hugo Weaving (The Red Skull), Haley Atwell (Peggy Carter), Tommy Lee Jones (Col. Chester Phillips), Toby Jones (Arnim Zola), and Samuel Jackson (Nick Fury)

Spoiler alert: severe

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

If Captain America: The First Avenger gave us half of one of the best superhero films ever made and half of one of the dullest, Captain America: The Winter Soldier can certainly claim to be more even.

2014
Directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo
Written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely (based hardly at all on the comic by Ed Brubaker)
With the above, as appropriate, as well as Scarlett Johansson (Natasha Romanoff), Anthony Mackie (Sam Wilson), and Robert Redford (Alexander Pierce)

Spoiler alert: severe, but basically nonexistent if you've read any Captain America comics, or possibly if you've previously been exposed to any form of fictional narrative whatsoever

From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intention?

HER

Hard science fiction intersects with legitimate romance under the careful direction and only slightly less careful script of one Spike Jonze, and the result is one of 2013's best.

2013
Written and directed by Spike Jonze
With Joachim Jaoquim Hadouken Joaquin Phoenix (Theodore), Scarlett Johansson (Samantha), Amy Adams (Amy), Chris Pratt (Paul), Rooney Mara (Catherine), and Olivia Wilde (The Blind Date)

Spoiler alert: high

Starring David Duchovny and Sierra Sinn

DON JON

A very fun comedy about how Internet porn is transforming society, albeit seemingly made by a person current with Western culture only up to about the mid-1990s.

2013
Written and directed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt
With Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Jon Martello Jr.), Scarlett Johannson (Barbara Sugarman), Julianne Moore (Esther), Tony Danza (Jon Martello Sr.), Glenne Headly (Angela Martello), Brie Larson (Monica Martello), Rob Brown (Bobby), and Jeremy Luke (Danny)

Spoiler alert: moderate
Content warning: it's a movie about porn, it's a movie about jerking off, therefore the words "porn" and "jerking off," and many fine technical terms besides, are going to be used.