Walt Disney, part LXXXIII: Failure, then learning, then death

MOANA 2

2024

Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller, and David Derrick Jr.

Written by Jared Bush, Bryson Chun, Bek Smith, and Dana Ledoux Miller

Spoilers: moderate

Note that will eventually be removed: "part 83" is an approximate one, but it is where I believe this film will eventually fall once my not-so-diligently pursued retrospective catalog of Walt Disney animation is done sometime in the next couple of months; meanwhile, since I intended to be done with it before Moana 2 came out on streaming, even if I did not succeed in doing so, it's still best to treat it as just another entry in that series, something I've been sub rosa doing with all of Disney's new-release cartoons for the past two or three years anyhow

The Rock and eternity

BLACK ADAM

2022

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra

Written by Adam Sztykiel, Rory Haines, and Sohrab Norshirvani

Spoilers: moderate

You can't expect a demigod to beat a decapod

MOANA

For the first time in a long time, a movie lives up totally to my highest expectations.  Welcome back, Walt Disney.

2016

Directed by Ron Clements, John Musker, Don Hall, and Chris Williams

Written by Jared Bush, Pamela Ribon, Jordan Kandell, Aaron Kandell, Don Hall, Chris Williams, Ron Clements, and John Musker

With Auli'i Cravalho (Moana Waialiki), Dwayne Johnson (Maui), Rachel House (Tala), Temeura Morrison (Chief Tui Waialiki), Nicole Scherzinger (Sina Waialiki), Alan Tudyk (Hei Hei the Chicken), and Jermaine Clement (Tamatoa)

Spoiler alert: mild

Like, zoinks, Herc!

HERCULES

Just how many bad sword and sandal movies can there be in one year?  Well, let's see how Ridley Scott does with Exodus before we count.

2014
Directed by Brett Ratner
Written by Ryan Condal and Evan Spiliotopolous (based on the comic, but not the one you've ever heard of, by Steve Moore)
With Dwayne Johnson (Hercules), Rufus Sewell (Autolycus), Ian McShane (Amphiaraus), Ingrid Berdal (Atalanta), Aksel Hennie (Tydeus), Recce Ritche (Iolaus), John Hurt (Lord Cotys), and Joseph Fiennes (Eurystheus)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the gym

PAIN & GAIN

Admit it: if the Coens made this, you'd masturbate to it.  Okay, since Michael Bay made it, it is probably technically easier to actually masturbate to parts than it would be otherwise.

2013
Directed by Michael Bay
Written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely (based on the articles by Pete Collins)
With Mark Wahlberg (Daniel Lugo), Dwayne Johnson (Paul Doyle), Anthony Mackie (Adrian Doorbal), Tony Shaloub (Victor Pepe Kershaw), Bar Paly (Sorina Luminita), Rebel Wilson (Robin Peck), Ed Harris (Ed DuBois), Rob Corddry (John Mese), and Ken Jeong (Johnny Wu)

Spoiler alert: severe