Mentally ill from Amityville: A devil-shaped hole

AMITYVILLE 3-D

1983

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by David Ambrose

Spoilers: moderate

Mentally ill from Amityville: Auto DeFeo

AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION

1982

Directed by Damiano Damiani

Written by Tommy Lee Wallace and Dardano Sacchetti (based on Murder In Amityville by Hans Holzer)

Spoilers: moderate, or high, or inapplicable?

What a disaster: She's gone with the hula hula boys, she don't care about me

HURRICANE

1979

Directed by Jan Troell

Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr. (based on the novel The Hurricane by James Norman Hall and Charles Nordoff)

Spoilers: well, there's a hurricane in it, but moderate, I guess

G-d Week: My son, do not regard the Lord's discipline lightly, nor be weary when reproved by Him, for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.

BARABBAS

1961 Italy/1962 USA

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Christopher Fry (based on the novel by Par Lagerkvist)

Spoiler alert: somewhere between moderate and high

King Week: Stephen's cat

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

CAT'S EYE

1985

Directed by Lewis Teague

Written by Stephen King (based in part on King's short stories from Night Shift)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Who made who?

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE

1986
Written and directed by Stephen King (based on the short story "Trucks" by, you guessed it, Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Death to President Bartlet!

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

THE DEAD ZONE

1983
Directed by David Cronenberg
Written by Jeffrey Boam (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate (why, I don't even mention the baby, even though it's the coolest part) 

Cimmerian Week, part IV: And this story shall also be told

KULL THE CONQUEROR

Welcome to the unlegendary journeys.

1997

Directed by John Nicolella

Written by Charles Edward Pogue

With Kevin Sorbo (Kull), Karina Lombard (Zareta), Gary "Litefoot" Davis (Ascalante), Harvey Fierstein (Juba), Sven Ole-Thorson (King Borna), Thomas Ian Griffith (Taligaro), Edward Tudor-Pole (Enaros), and Tia Carerre (Akivasha)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cimmerian Week, part III: You're a brave girl, but danger is my trade!

RED SONJA

The legend of Conan continues without Conan, but not without Schwazenegger, and what we get is a bog standard fantasy-actioner that does nothing very well and nothing very poorly.  It is content, instead, to just exist.

1985

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Clive Exton and George MacDonald Fraser

With Brigitte Nielsen (Sonja), Arnold Schwarzenegger (Kalidor), Ernie Reyes Jr. (Prince Tam), Paul L. Smith (Falkon), and Sandahl Bergman (Queen Gedren)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cimmerian Week, part II: "And I suppose nothing hurts you." "Only pain!"

CONAN THE DESTROYER

Even though there are still things to love about this watered-down sequel, it's one damned hard comedown.

1984

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Gerry Conway, Roy Thomas, and Stanley Mann

With Arnold Schwarzenegger (Conan), Tracey Walter (Malak), Mako Iwamatsu (Akiro the Wizard), Grace Jones (Zula), Olivia d'Abo (Princess Jehnna), Wilt Chamberlain (Bombaata), Pat Roach (Toth-Amon), Sarah Douglas (Queen Taramis), and Andre Rene Roussimoff (Dagoth)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cimmerian Week, part I: The riddle of steel

CONAN THE BARBARIAN

Blessed with a director, a composer, and a team of designers all operating at the very height of their powers—and blessed further by a cast with all the right skills to pull this story off—Conan the Barbarian set fire to the box office back in '82, and it's no mystery why.

1982

Directed by John Milius

Written by Oliver Stone and John Milius

With Arnold Schwarzenegger (Conan), Sandahl Bergman (Valeria), Gerry Lopez (Subotai), Mako Iwamatsu (The Wizard of the Mounds), William Smith (Conan's Father), Nadiuska (Conan's Mother), Max von Sydow (King Osric), Valerie Quenessen (Osric's Daughter, The Princess), Sven-Ole Thorsen (Thorgrim), Ben Davidson (Rexor), and James Earl Jones (Thulsa Doom)

Spoiler alert: moderate

When Jaws dies, nobody cry

ORCA: THE KILLER WHALE

No, seriously: what about the words "Dino De Laurentiis" and "Jaws with an orca" does not compel you to see it for yourself?

1977

Directed by Michael Anderson

Written by Luciano Vincenzoni, Sergio Donati, and Robert Towne (based on the novel Orca by Arthur Herzog)

With Richard Harris (Nolan), Charlotte Rampling (Dr. Rachel Bedford), Will Sampson (Jacob Umilak), Keenan Wynn (Novak), Bo Derek (Annie), Peter Hooten (Paul), Robert Carradine (Ken), and Yaka and Nepo (the Orca)

Spoiler alert: high

Pywokinesis

FIRESTARTER

It turns out it's not actually as easy to make an awesome movie about psychic powers as BDP and Cronenberg made it look.

1984

Directed by Mark Lester

Written by Stanley Mann (based on the novel by Stephen King)

With Drew Barrymore (Charlie McGee), David Keith (Andy McGee), Heather Locklear (Vicky McGee, nee Tomlinson), Martin Sheen (Capt. Hollister), and George C. Scott (John Rainbird)

Spoiler alert: moderate

John Carpenter, part X: What the Samhain is going on in here?!

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH

Only in the 1980s.  Or, to be fair, on one of the sillier episodes of The X-Files.  But either way, I adore it.

1982

Directed by Tommy Lee Wallace

Written by Tommy Lee Wallace, Nigel Kneale, and John Carpenter

With Tom Atkins (Dr. Daniel Challis), Stacey Nelkin (Ellie Grimbridge), Al Berry (Harry Grimbridge), Dick Warlock (The Assassin), and Dan O'Herlihy (Conal Cochran)

Spoiler alert: oh, man, I've gotta go severe on this bad boy

John Carpenter, part VIII: HE'S NOT HUMAN!

HALLOWEEN II

Turns out the most important stuff happened on November 1st.

1981

Directed by Rick Rosenthal ft. John Carpenter

Written by Debra Hill and John Carpenter

With Jamie Lee Curtis (Laurie Strode), Donald Pleasence (Dr. Samuel Loomis), Hunter von Leer (Officer Gary Hunt), Lance Guest (Jimmy), Charles Cyphers (Leigh Brackett), and Dick Warlock/Adam Gunn (Michael Myers)

Spoiler alert: largely inapplicable, but "severe," I suppose