Friday, August 30, 2013

I'm a master of wang chung


A Wikipedia article that I paid $8 to read.  And, yes, I do mean read.  No, I do not mean the subtitles.

Directed by Wong Kar Wai
Written by Zou Jingzhi, Hu Haofeng, and Wong Kar Wai
With Zhang Ziyi (Gong Er), "Tony" Leung Chiu Wai (Ip Man), Zhang Jin (Ma San), Wang Qingxiang (Gong Bao Sen)

Spoiler alert: high

Thursday, August 29, 2013

You know what really grinds my gears?


The perfect chase movie.  Edited.  The fuck.  To death.

Directed by Courtney Solomon
Written by Sean Finegan and Gregg Maxwell Parker
With Ethan Hawke (Brent Magna), Selena Gomez (The Kid), Jon Voight (The Voice) 

Spoiler alert: mild

Monday, August 26, 2013

It wants to hide inside an imitation


Funny, ice cream cones usually finish pretty cleanly.

Directed by Edgar Wright
Written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright
With Simon Pegg (Gary), Nick Frost (Andy), Paddy Considine (Steven), Martin Freeman (Oliver), Eddie Marsan (Peter), Rosamund Pike (Sam), Pierce Brosnan (Guy)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Anybody in the mood for strawberry daquiris?


Class warrior classic.

Directed by Adam Wingard
Written by Simon Barrett
With Sharni Vinson (Erin), AJ Bowen (Crispian), Nicholas Tucci (Felix), Wendy Glenn (Zee), Joe Swanberg (Drake), Margaret Laney (Kelly), Amy Seimetz (Aimee), Ti West (Tariq), Rob Moran (Paul), Barbara Cramton (Aubrey), Simon Barrett (Tiger Mask), Lane Hughes (Fox Mask) Steve Buscemi L.C. Holt (Lamb Mask)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Thursday, August 22, 2013

You win, you revengeful son of a bitch, you win


Designed to make you sad and mad, but it's the real shit.

Directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite
Written by Eli B. Despres and Gabriela Cowperthwaite

Spoiler warning: N/A

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Damn hell ass superheroes


As a companion piece to the more ambitious, more interesting, generally more thrilling original, it's fun enough.

Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow (based on the comic by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.)
With Chloe Grace Moretz (Hit-Girl/Mindy Macready), Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kick-Ass/Dave Lizewski), Christopher Mintz-Plasse (The Mother Fucker/Chris D'Amico), Jim Carrey (Col. Stars and Stripes), John Leguizamo (Javier)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Everybody wants to [destroy] the world, part 3


Roughly equivalent in tone, quality, action content, scientific fidelity, and thematic subtlety to the average late-run Gundam Wing episode, and slightly less good at framing, editing, and voice acting.

Written and directed by Neill Blomkamp
With Matt Damon (Max), Jodie Foster (Delacourt), Sharlto Copley (Kruger), Alice Braga (Frey), William Fichtner (Carlyle), Wagner Moura (Spider)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Friday, August 9, 2013

Everybody wants to [destroy] the world, part 2


A metamovie, about what, basically, constitutes child abuse.

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Written by Gary Whitta, M. Night Shyamalan, and Will Smith
With Will Smith (Cypher Raige), Jaden Smith (Kitai Raige), Gwaihir the Windlord (himself)

Spoiler alert: mild 

Everybody wants to [destroy] the world, part 1


Seeing Oblivion for the first time is a lot like seeing a great movie for the second time. 

Directed by Joseph Kosinski
Written by Karl Gajdusek, Michael Arndt, and Joseph Kosinski
With Tom Cruise (Jack Harper), Andrea Riseborough (Victoria), Olga Kurylenko (Julia Rusakova), Melissa Leo (Sally), Morgan Freeman (Beech), Nicolaj Coster-Waldau (some useless character who got all of Zoe Bell's lines), Zoe Bell (criminally wasted)

Spoiler alert: severe

Friday, August 2, 2013

@ Guns


Without condoning or condemning, 2 Guns is certainly in theaters and you can buy tickets and everything.  It's a free country.

Directed by Baltasar Kormakur
Written by Blake Masters (based on the comic by Steven Grant)
With Denzel Washington (Bobby Trench), Mark Wahlberg (Michael Stigman), Earl (Bill Paxton), Deb (Laura Patton), Edward James Olmos (Papi Greco), James Marsden (Quince)

Spoiler alert: mild