Catching up with the (super) classics of horror, part I: I barely know her geist

POLTERGEIST

1982
Directed by somebody! maybe it was you!
Written by Steven Spielberg, Michael Grais, and Mark Victor
With Craig T. Nelson (Steve Freeling), JoBeth Williams (Diane Freeling), Oliver Robins (Robbie Freeling), Heather O'Rourke (Carol Anne Freeling), Beatrice Straight (Dr. Lesh), and Zelda Rubinstein (Tangina)

We've all missed movies that we should've seen.  Here are three of mine, that might surprise you.

Spoiler alert: moderate

I'm unexpectedly virtuous

BIRDMAN

Birdman is very close to the best movie of the year, and it is almost without a doubt the hardest.

2014
Directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Written by Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Armando Bo, and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
With Michael Keaton (Riggan Thomson), Edward Norton (Mike Shiner), Naomi Watts (Lesley), Zach Galifianakis (Jake), Andrea Riseborough (Laura), Amy Ryan (Sylvia), and Emma Stone (Sam)

Spoiler alert: mild

She blinded me with science (science!)

OCULUS

2014's leading horror film may also be its best exploration of obsession and revenge.

2013 (them)/2014 (us)
Directed by Mike Flanagan
Written by Jeff Howard and Mike Flanagan (based on the short screenplay by Jeff Seidman and Mike Flanagan)
With Karen Gillan (Kaylie Russell), Brenton Thwaites (Tim Russell), Katee Sackhoff (Marie Russell), Rory Cochrane (Alan Russell), Annalise Basso (Young Kaylie), and Garrett Ryan (Young Tim)

THE QUIET ONES

A genre exercise that can't even manage to be interesting on the level of formula.

2014
Directed by John Pogue
Written by Craig Rosenberg, Oren Moverman, and John Pogue (based on the screenplay [presumably regular-sized] by Tom de Ville)
With Jared Harris (Prof. John Coupland), Olivia Cooke (Jane Harper), Sam Clafin (Brian McNeil), Erin Richards (Kriss Dalton), and Rory Fleck-Byrne (Harry Abrams)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Dispassionately and exactingly ranking the films of Christopher Nolan by their utilitarian value, nos. 3-1

The Internet asks, "Is Christopher Nolan the greatest director alive?"  And the answer is, "No, of course he's not.  Are you high?"  But if the question were, instead, "Is Chris Nolan the most consistently excellent director working today?", there are nine films to consider, and the answer might be quite different.  (Okay, the point is, I marathoned his movies, and now you're just going to have to deal with it.)

Spoiler alert: well, I don't spoil Interstellar, anyway

Dispassionately and exactingly ranking the films of Christopher Nolan by their utilitarian value, nos. 6-4

The Internet asks, "Is Christopher Nolan the greatest director alive?"  And the answer is, "No, of course he's not.  Are you high?"  But if the question were, instead, "Is Chris Nolan the most consistently excellent director working today?", there are nine films to consider, and the answer might be quite different.  (Okay, the point is, I marathoned his movies, and now you're just going to have to deal with it.)

Spoiler alert: well, I don't spoil Interstellar, anyway (certainly at no more than a moderate level)

Dispassionately and exactingly ranking the films of Christopher Nolan by their utilitarian value, nos. 9-7

The Internet asks, "Is Christopher Nolan the greatest director alive?"  And the answer is, "No, of course he's not.  Are you high?"  But if the question were, instead, "Is Chris Nolan the most consistently excellent director working today?", there are nine films to consider, and the answer might be quite different.  (Okay, the point is, I marathoned his movies, and now you're just going to have to deal with it.)

Spoiler alert: well, I don't spoil Interstellar, anyway

We are of Bajor

INTERSTELLAR

Interstellar is at war with itself, and from its first moments it embraces a three hour-long contest between opposites.  It is astonishing visuals against lazy ones; a clutter of ideas against empty-headed disinterest; and a real attempt to explore humanity's place in the cosmos against emotions delivered with all the nuance of a slap from an iron glove.

2014
Directed by Christopher Nolan
Written by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan (based on the poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into the Night" by Dylan Thomas)
With Matthew McConaughey (Cooper), Mackenzie Foy and Jessica Chastain (Murph), Michael Caine (Prof. Brand), Anne Hathaway (Dr. Amelia Brand), and Bill Irwin (TARS)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Abre las ventanas

OPEN WINDOWS

Something new is also something stupid—and is maybe something great, but it's really hard to tell. 

2014 Espana/Estados Unidos
Escrita y dirigida por Nacho Vigalondo
Con Elijah Wood (Nick Chambers), Sasha Grey (Jill Goddard), y Neil Maskell (Chord)

¡La alerta del spoiler!: moderado

I spit on your grave, and the wind blew it back in my face

BLUE RUIN

Sometimes a low key offers high returns.

2014
Written and directed by Jeremy Saulnier
With Macon Blair (Dwight)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Attack of the Eye Creature

NIGHTCRAWLER

A horrifying portrait of success—and that is, every syllable, an intentional double entendre.

2014
Written and directed by Dan Gilroy
With Jake Gyllenhaal (Louis Bloom), Rene Russo (Nina Romina), Riz Ahmed (Rick), and Bill Paxton (Joe Loder)

Spoiler alert: mild

Spurious (Yellow)

ENEMY

In the face of Denis Villeneuve's new piece of artcrap, Prisoners suddenly looks far less insipid.

2014
Directed by Denis Villeneuve
Written by Javier Guillon (based on the novel The Double by Jose Saragamo)
With Jake Gyllenaal (Adam), Jake Gyllenhaal (Anthony), Melanie Laurent (Mary), Sarah Gadon (Helen), and Isabella Rossellini (Mother)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Census Bloodbath: Lighting out for the Territory

THE BURNING

In the spirit of October masquerade fun, now comes the crossover between this here webzone and Brennan Klein's Popcorn Culture, just about the best blog you could ever read, and even better if you're a horror aficionado!  From now till Halloween the early morning of November 2 (oops), I'll be wearing the mask of someone who actually knows shit about the slasher genre, while Brennan will (far more ably) review some spooky 1950s science fiction!  Join us!  Or I'll be forced to use even more exclamation points!

Directed by Tony Maylam
Written by Peter Lawrence, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, and Tony Maylam
With Brian Matthews (Todd), Leah Ayres (Michelle), Brian Backer (Alfred), Larry Joshua (Glazer), Ned Eisenberg (Eddy), Fisher Stevens (Woodstock), Jason Alexander (!) (Dave), Carrick Glenn (Sally), Carolyn Houlihan (Karen), and Lou David (Cropsy)

Spoiler alert: moderate