When it comes to the universe, we're all shareholders

WISH

2023

Directed by Chris Buck and Fawn Veerasunthorn

Written by Jennifer Lee, Allison Moore, Chris Buck, and Fawn Veerasunthorn

Spoilers: moderate

Before Earth

65

Written and directed by Scott Beck and Brian Woods

Spoilers: moderate

Entre nous

THE HOLDOVERS

2023

Directed by Alexander Payne

Written by David Hemingson

Spoilers: moderate

In all of your dealings with me, you will do me the courtesy to conduct yourself as a dead man

THE DUELLISTS

1978

Directed by Ridley Scott

Written by Gerald Vaughan-Hughes (based on the short story "The Duel" by Joseph Conrad)

Spoilers: moderate

Redundancy, redundancy, and redundancy

THE KILLER

2023

Directed by David Fincher

Written by Andrew Kevin Walker

Spoilers: moderate

Bros before Trolls

TROLLS BAND TOGETHER

Directed by Walt Dohrn (co-directed by Tim Heitz)

Written by Elizabeth Tippett

Spoilers: moderate

The transporter

THE LAST RUN

1971

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Alan Sharp

Spoilers: see above? (highish, if you're a real stickler)

Spirit Week: Do you know who killed you?

THE MYSTIC

1926, directed by Tod Browning and written by Tod Browning and Waldemar Young

THE THIRTEENTH CHAIR

1929, directed by Tod Browning and written by Elliot J. Clawson

THE THIRTEENTH CHAIR

1937, directed by George B. Seitz and written by Marion Parsonnet

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: It was many and many a year ago, in a kingdom by the sea

NIGHT TIDE

1961

Written and directed by Curtis Harrington

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: Nine eternities in doom!

THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES

1971

Directed by Robert Fuest

Written by James Whiton, William Goldstein, and Robert Fuest

Spoilers: mild

Disinherit the earth

KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Written by Eric Roth and Martin Scorsese (based on the book Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann)

Spoilers: N/A

An obscene and zestful irony

SUITABLE FLESH

2023

Directed by Joe Lynch

Written by Dennis Paoli (based on the story "The Thing On the Doorstep" by H.P. Lovecraft)

Spoilers: moderate

Census Bloodbath: A boy's best friend is his mother

BLOOD RAGE

aka Slasher aka Nightmare at Shadow Woods

It wouldn't be October without Brennan Klein of Popcorn Culture and Alternate Ending, and so I'm ecstatic to present our tenth annual Halloween Switcheroo, wherein I get to chew on some hunks of bloody meat from his field of expertise, the 80s slasher, while I throw him some wholesome stolid science heroism from the 50s.  This is an abbreviated year, which is a shame, and while all things will pass into the night—not this one, not yet.

1987

Directed by John Grissmer

Written by Bruce Rubin

Spoilers: moderate

Spirit Week: The living and the so-called dead

THE DEVIL COMMANDS

1941

Directed by Edward Dmytryk

Written by William Sloane, Robert Hardy Andrew, and Milton Gunzberg (based on the novel The Edge of Running Water by William Sloane)

Spoilers: moderate

Spirit Week: Do you dare to insist that the practice of the occult science is a racket?

YOU'LL FIND OUT

1940

Directed by David Butler

Written by James V. Kern, Monte Brice, Andrew Bennison, R.T.M. Scott, and David Butler

Spoilers: moderate

Gimme some Sugar, baby

THE WONDERFUL STORY OF HENRY SUGAR and six three more

2023

Written and directed by Wes Anderson (based on the short stories "The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar," "The Swan," "The Rat Catcher," and "Poison" by Roald Dahl)

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: For every sound that floats from the rust within their throats is a groan

CRY OF THE BANSHEE

1970

Directed by Gordon Hessler

Written by Tim Kelly and Christopher Wicking

Spoilers: moderate

Spirit Week: Discarnation

SUPERNATURAL

1933

Directed by Victor Halperin

Written by Garnett Weston, Brian Marlow, and Harvey Thew

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: Help! I'm being disorientated!

SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN

1970

Directed by Gordon Hessler

Written by Milton Subotsky and Christopher Wicking (based on the novel The Disorientated Man by Steven V. Francis and W. Howard Baker d/b/a "Peter Saxon")

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: Of Their semblance no man may know, saving only in the features They have begotten on mankind; and of those there are many sorts, differing in likeness from man's truest eidolon to that shape without sight or substance which is Them

THE DUNWICH HORROR

1970

Directed by Daniel Haller

Written by Curtis Hanson, Henry Rosenbaum, and Ronald Silkosky (based on the short story by H.P. Lovecraft)

Spoilers: maybe kind of high?

American Gothic Week: The next morning he was quite recovered, so far as regarded his mere bodily health. Of his mind I say nothing, of course.

THE OBLONG BOX

1969

Directed by Gordon Hessler

Written by Lawrence Huntington and Christopher Wicking (based on the title by Edgar Allan Poe)

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: The discovery of witches

WITCHFINDER GENERAL

aka The Conqueror Worm aka Matthew Hopkins: Witchfinder General

1968

Directed by Michael Reeves

Written by Tom Baker and Michael Reeves

Spoilers: moderate

Turtles all the way down

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM

2023

Directed by Jeff Rowe (co-directed by Kyler Spears)

Written by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, Dan Hernandez, Benji Samit, and Jeff Rowe

Spoilers: moderate

And they would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling mustache!

A HAUNTING IN VENICE

2023

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Written by Michael Green (based on the novel Hallowe'en Party by Agatha Christie)

Spoilers: moderate, though if it's arguably on the higher side of moderate, I'm still not talking the details of ultimate solutions or anything

If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all

HAMLET

1996

Written and directed by Kenneth Branagh (based on the play The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark by William Shakespeare)

Spoilers: hey, remember that time Norway conquered Denmark?

O beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on

OTHELLO

1995

Written and directed by Oliver Parker (based on the play The Tragedy of Othello, the Moor of Venice by William Shakespeare)

Spoilers: presumably inapplicable

Why must the show go on?

IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER

aka A Midwinter's Tale

1995

Written and directed by Kenneth Branagh

Spoilers: moderate unto high

Middle-age wolf

WOLF

1994

Directed by Mike Nichols

Written by Jim Harrison, Wesley Strick, and Elaine May

Spoilers: moderate

Nay, these are virtuous and immaculate beings! I, the miserable and abandoned, am an abortion, to be spurned at, and kicked, and trampled on. Even now my blood boils at the recollection of this injustice.

MARY SHELLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN

1994

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Written by Steph Lady and Frank Darabont (based on the novel Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley) 

Spoilers: inapplicable, right?

My dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

1993

Written and directed by Kenneth Branagh (based on the play by William Shakespeare)

Spoilers: moderate unto high—and I'm kind of serious, it's not one of the ones they make you read in high school, you know?

And yet, unless my senses deceive me, the old centuries had, and have, powers of their own which mere "modernity" cannot kill

BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA

1992

Directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Written by James V. Hart (based on the novel Dracula by Bram Stoker's Bram Stoker, Bram Stoker)

Spoilers: high?

Auld acquaintance

PETER'S FRIENDS

1992

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Written by Rita Rudner and Martin Bergman

Spoilers: mild

Karmically, self-defense is quite cool

DEAD AGAIN

1991

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Written by Scott Frank

Spoilers: moderate

Doctor Manhattan

OPPENHEIMER

2023

Written and directed by Christopher Nolan (based on the book American Prometheus by Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin)

Spoilers: N/A

Kill all Ken

BARBIE

2023

Directed by Greta Gerwig

Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig

Spoilers: high

Ill-disposed in brawl ridiculous, the name of Agincourt

HENRY V

1989

Written and directed by Kenneth Branagh (based on the play The Life of Henry the Fifth by William Shakespeare)

Spoilers: N/A (why's there no play about the Siege of Orléans?)

He's a mind-reading, shape-shifting incarnation of chaos!

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-DEAD RECKONING, PART ONE

2023

Directed by Christopher McQuarrie

Written by Erik Jendresen and Christopher McQuarrie

Spoilers: moderate

Digitally release the kraken

RUBY GILLMAN, TEENAGE KRAKEN

2023

Directed by Kirk DiMicco (co-directed by Faryn Pearl)

Written by Pam Brady, Brian C. Brown, and Elliott Giuseppe

Spoilers: moderate

The Encyclopedia Brown: Those magnificent men in their flying machines

NIGHT FLIGHT

1933

Directed by Clarence Brown

Written by Oliver H.P. Garrett, John Monk Saunders, and Wells Root (based on the novel by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

Spoilers: moderate

The Encyclopedia Brown: How about a little Service?

LOOKING FORWARD

1933

Directed by Clarence Brown

Written by Bess Meredyth and H.M. Harwood (based on the play Service by Dodie Smith)

Spoilers: moderate

The Encyclopedia Brown: Hey, that's pretty progressive for... oh

THE SON-DAUGHTER

1932

Directed by Clarence Brown

Written by John F. Goodrich, Claudine West, and Leon Gordon (based on the play by George Scarborough and David Belasco)

Spoilers: moderate

The Encyclopedia Brown: But we are together, aren't we? And I doubt that you will scream, or alarm the neighbors

LETTY LYNTON

1932

Directed by Clarence Brown

Written by Wanda Tuchok and John Meehan (based on the novel by Marie Belloc Lownes and the play Dishonored Lady by Edward Sheldon and Margaret Ayer Barnes)

Spoilers: highish, inasmuch as I refer to the details of the real-life criminal case and the copyright infringement litigation resulting in this film's unusual legal status

Update 7/15/2023: I was way off on certain details of another film's legal status, which I have now corrected, though I find my initial error incredibly embarrassing

Who knows, in a thousand years, even you may be worth something

INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY

2023

Directed by James Mangold

Written by Jez Butterworth, John Henry Butterworth, David Koepp, and James Mangold

Spoilers: severe, and I'm also going to let it run a little long

It's elementary

ELEMENTAL

2023

Directed by Peter Sohn

Written by John Hoburg, Kat Likkel, Brenda Hseuh, and Peter Sohn

Spoilers: moderate

Smells like teen spirit

TEEN TITANS GO! TO THE MOVIES

2018

Directed by Peter Rida Michail and Aaron Horvath

Written by Michael Jelenic and Aaron Horvath

Spoilers: moderate, or high if you don't already know who Deathstroke the Terminator is

For want of a can

THE FLASH

2023

Directed by Andy Muschietti

Written by Christina Hodson, John Francis Daley, Jonathan Goldstein, and Joby Howard

Spoilers: moderate (unless cameos are spoilers to you, you loser)

Note to the electrician, desert light is neither cool nor hot, but it is always clean

ASTEROID CITY

2023

Directed by Wes Anderson

Written by Roman Coppola and Wes Anderson

Spoilers: moderate

The Encyclopedia Brown: We'll be all alone in that big house—let's be alone together

EMMA

1932

Directed by Clarence Brown

Written by Frances Marion, Leonard Praskins, and Zelda Sears

Spoilers: moderate

2099 problems

SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE

2023

Directed by Jaoquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers, and Justin K. Thompson

Written by Phil Lord, Chris Miller, and Dave Callaham

Spoilers: moderate

What a disaster: Get on the bus

THE BIG BUS

1976

Directed by James Frawley

Written by Lawrence J. Cohen and Fred Freeman

Spoilers: moderate