Hello, stupid robot

NEXT GEN

The new cartoon from the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation looks pretty good—especially considering that it was made on software you can download for free—but unfortunately all it offers is an entire movie made out of Genuine People Personalities.

2018

Directed by Kevin R. Adams and Joe Ksander

Written by Wang Nima, Ryan K. Smith, Kevin R. Adams and Joe Ksander

With Charlyne Yi (Mai), John Krasinski (Project 77), Michael Pena (Momo), Constance Wu (Molly), David Cross (Dr. Tanner Rice and the Q-Bots) (what a terrible band name) and Jason Sudeikis (Justin Pin and Ares)

Spoiler alert: mild

In a world where farts are against the law, one woman rises

A QUIET PLACE

It's a piece of crap that's better-looking than most pieces of crap, but that doesn't change its fundamental nature, and how anyone deigns to call this piece of crap "innovative," or even merely "scary," rather than "frustrating" and "unbelievably contemptuous"—not to mention "almost worryingly inhumane"—is beyond my ability to understand.

2018

Directed by John Krasinski

Written by Bryan Woods, Scott Beck, and John Krasinski

With Emily Blunt (Evelyn Abbott), John Krasinski (Lee Abbott), Millicent Simmonds (Regan Abbott), Noah Jupe (Marcus Abbott), and Cade Woodward (Beau Abbott)

Spoiler alert: high