Is this the end of the world, the death of the light?

A HIDDEN LIFE

Don't call it a comeback, but even so, A Hidden Life really is the best Terry since The Tree of Life, and it might be even better than that.

2019

Written and directed by Terrence Malick

Spoiler alert: inapplicable

Wars is hell

STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

And The Rise of Skywalker proves that we have grown too fond of it.

2019

Directed by J.J. Abrams

Written by Chris Terrio and J.J. Abrams

Spoiler alert: severe

Look for the union label

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The bad first date hall of fame

QUEEN & SLIM

An imagistic journey to, well, a certain kind of freedom, I guess.  Queen & Slim is gut-wrenching and bittersweet, current and sadly timeless alike.

2019

Directed by Melina Matsoukas

Written by Lena Waithe and James Frey

Spoiler alert: moderate

Reviews from gulag: Everybody's gotta start somewhere

Sure: I have an affinity for the bigger side of filmmaking,  but it's nice sometimes to check in on the other side of the spectrum.  Or, you know, it's supposed to be.  Oh well: as The Simpsons once observed, it's their first day.  So let's take a look at three first films from 2019: Luz, Cosmos, and Paradise Hills.

LUZ (Tilman Singer)

I know I mention "running time" a lot in these reviews, and almost always in a negative way; I mean, there's a lot to complain about when it comes to the cinema of the 2010s, but to my mind there's not a single more terrible or more pervasive problem than the slow creep of runtimes that began in the 1990s and exploded into absurdity in the 2010s, as every blockbuster started extending itself past two hours, often for no good reason, and often far past two hours, with an eye toward three.  It's why it's such a joy when a movie like Crawl appears, clocking in at 89 minutes and hence obliging itself be mostly killer, not so much filler.  It also probably partially explains why I like cartoons so much, since they usually have some measure of restraint, due to their expense as well as their presumed audience of babies.

So, with nothing else to go on, Luz's 70 minute runtime seems like a selling point; it's easy to presume a movie that barely lasts an hour couldn't even have the time to be bad.  But that's not all we have to go on (I mean, I've seen it, so I have everything about it to go on, but bear with me here): let's assume further that we know that Luz is actually the 70 minute thesis project by German film studies graduate Tilman Singer.  This is where you observe, "Aren't student films usually short subjects?"  Yes.  Indeed they are.

Turn away and slam the door

FROZEN II

On the plus side, it's not preceded by a 21 minute Coco short.

Directed by Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck

Written by Marc E. Smith, Robert Lopez, Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Chris Buck, and Jennifer Lee

Spoiler alert: moderate

What do you do with the mad that you feel?

A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

Too good in certain limited ways to dismiss, and way too easy to forget to wholeheartedly recommend.

2019

Directed by Marielle Heller

Written by Micah Fitzerman-Blue and Noah Harpster (based on the article "Can You Say... Hero?" by Tom Junod)

Spoiler alert: mild and virtually inapplicable anyway

King Week: You taste like whiskey

In which we arrive at the true purpose of this Stephen King mini-marathon, a film that I have some serious issues with, yet still could not recommend enough, particularly given how few of us went to go see it when we should have.

DOCTOR SLEEP

2019

Written and directed by Mike Flanagan (based on the novel by Stephen King—and, y'now, the screenplay, by Stanley Kubrick and Diane Johnson)

Spoiler alert: moderate

The night is short, walk on boy

LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

80 minutes of some of the more artful, emotionally-intuitive filmmaking that 2019 had to offer versus 60 minutes of pure clunking ego.

2018 PRC/2019 USA

Written and directed by Bi Gan

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: He who kind of chills out and doesn't get too worked up about it behind the rows

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

IN THE TALL GRASS

2019

Written and directed by Vincenzo Natali (based on the novella by Stephen King and Joe Hill)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Total eclipse of the heart

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

GERALD'S GAME

2017

Directed by Mike Flanagan

Written by Jeff Howard and Mike Flanagan (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Everyone's a critic

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

MISERY

1990

Directed by Rob Reiner

Written by William Goldman (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: high

Don't be stupid, be a smarty

JOJO RABBIT

For all your Nazi dramedy-with-a-heart needs, assuming you needed that for some reason.  Personally, I liked it, though there's a point at which this movie clearly doesn't know what it's doing anymore.

2019

Written and directed by Taika Waititi (based on the novel Caging Skies by Christine Leunens)

Spoiler alert: moderate

It's in your nature to destroy yourselves

TERMINATOR: DARK FATE

It's not quite the triumph one might have cautiously hoped for when they heard that both Cameron and Hamilton were coming back, but at least Terminator: Dark Fate still understands what the series was about in the first place.

2019
Directed by Tim Miller
Written by David Foyer, Justin Rhodes, Billy Ray, Charles H. Eglee, Josh Friedman, and James Cameron

Spoiler alert: moderate, though I suppose the movie itself would have it as "high"

An old man and the sea

THE LIGHTHOUSE

Psychohorror with a vintage twist, The Lighthouse transfixes effortlessly—which is a sign of how artful it is, since no movie this hypnotic and controlled was likely to have been "effortless" at all.

2019

Written and directed by Robert Eggers

Spoiler alert: moderate

Not presented in Smellovision

PARASITE

Aka Gisaengchung

Ultimately a little deflating, Parasite is such a controlled work of production design and split-second caper timing—not to mention anti-capitalist fury—that it's worth forgiving some modest third act problems in favor of everything that's great about it.

2019

Directed by Bong Joon-ho

Written by Han Jin-won and Bong Joon-ho

Spoiler alert: moderate

Census Bloodbath: They love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit.

STAGEFRIGHT

(aka Deliria, aka Blood Bird, aka, for unknown reasons, Aquarius and/or Stagefright: Aquarius)

The SWITCHEROOOOO!  It's October, and that means it's time for Brennan Klein, of Popcorn Culture and Alternate Ending and Scream 101 and, above all, our hearts, to take on my usual and oft-shirked task of reviewing the Cardboard Science sci-fi schlock of a bygone era, while I get to luxuriate in the blood and guts of 80s slashers with his Census Bloodbath series, which he has been pursuing with diligent and perhaps disturbing obsession, lo these many years.

1987 (Italy)/1989 (USA)

Directed by Michele Soavi

Written by Luigi Montefiori and Sheila Goldberg

Spoiler alert: moderate verging on high

King Week: The judgment of dog

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

CUJO

1983

Directed by Lewis Teague

Written by Don Carlos Dunaway and Barbara Turner (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: high

Census Bloodbath: Norm!

PSYCHO III

The SWITCHEROOOOO!  It's October, and that means it's time for Brennan Klein, of Popcorn Culture and Alternate Ending and Scream 101 and, above all, our hearts, to take on my usual and oft-shirked task of reviewing the Cardboard Science sci-fi schlock of a bygone era, while I get to luxuriate in the blood and guts of 80s slashers with his Census Bloodbath series, which he has been pursuing with diligent and perhaps disturbing obsession, lo these many years.

1986

Directed by Anthony Perkins

Written by Charles Edward Pogue

Spoiler alert: moderate

Census Bloodbath: In the dark it is easy to pretend

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE

The SWITCHEROOOOO!  It's October, and that means it's time for Brennan Klein, of Popcorn Culture and Alternate Ending and Scream 101 and, above all, our hearts, to take on my usual and oft-shirked task of reviewing the Cardboard Science sci-fi schlock of a bygone era, while I get to luxuriate in the blood and guts of 80s slashers with his Census Bloodbath series, which he has been pursuing with diligent and perhaps disturbing obsession, lo these many years.

1989

Directed by Richard Friedman

Written by Scott J. Schneid, Tony Michelman, and Robert King

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: The ground is sour

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

PET SEMATARY

1989

Directed by Mary Lambert

Written by Stephen King (based on his novel)

2019

Directed by Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmeyer

Written by Jeff Buhler (based on the novel, etc.)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Stephen's cat

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

CAT'S EYE

1985

Directed by Lewis Teague

Written by Stephen King (based in part on King's short stories from Night Shift)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Who made who?

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE

1986
Written and directed by Stephen King (based on the short story "Trucks" by, you guessed it, Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Death to President Bartlet!

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

THE DEAD ZONE

1983
Directed by David Cronenberg
Written by Jeffrey Boam (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate (why, I don't even mention the baby, even though it's the coolest part) 

#WalrusMaybe?

TUSK

One of the best and worst horror-comedies of the 2010s in a single 101 minute package.  Koo koo kachoo.

2014

Written and directed by Kevin Smith

Spoiler alert: moderate

Fresher prince

GEMINI MAN

Damn, it's nice when a cinematic experiment works out.  Maybe more people should have actually partaken in it, but that's how it goes.

2019

Directed by Ang Lee

Written by David Benioff, Billy Ray, and Darren Lemke

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part XXI: Fur is dead

ONE HUNDRED AND ONE DALMATIANS

Even if you're not thrilled about all the changes the movie represents, it's still pretty hard not to like what the movie is.  (Though not impossible, and, boy, does it have some unexamined problems with its drama.)

1961

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman, Hamilton Luske, and Clyde Geronimi

Written by Bill Peet (based on the novel by Dodie Smith)

Spoiler alert: I mean, what do you think? she flays the puppies and looks good doing it?

Cardboard Science: Suffer the children

VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED

If perhaps not the perfect version of itself, you just can't discount the cold savagery of the version we got.

1960
Directed by Wolf Rilla
Written by Sterling Silliphant, Ronald Kinnoch, and Wolf Rilla (based on the novel The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part XX: All that beautiful detail in the trees, the bark, and all that, that's all well and good, but who the hell's going to look at that?

SLEEPING BEAUTY

As a work of visual artistry, Sleeping Beauty would be a staggering achievement for any era of Disney animation.  That it came out of the Silver Age is almost a surprise; that it also ended it, a great and sorrowful shame.

1959

Directed by Wilfred Jackson, Eric Larson, and Clyde Geronimi

Spoiler alert: true love's kiss, dude

Why so serious?

JOKER

I feel like if Todd Phillips were actually the next Martin Scorsese, we'd have known it by now.

2019

Directed by Todd Phillips

Written by Scott Silver and Todd Phillips

Spoiler alert: moderate (maybe technically high, but you know how this one's gonna end, and in pretty fine detail, by, like, the twenty minute mark)

Walt Disney, part XIX: The dog days are over

LADY AND THE TRAMP

Maybe I'm just not a dog person, you know?

1955

Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, and Hamilton Luske

Spoiler alert: moderate

Do you want to build a snowman?

ABOMINABLE

Terrific visuals and rock-solid emotional underpinnings overcome the weaknesses of a wonky story structure and some seriously terrible kid's komedy.

2019

Written and directed by Jill Culton

Spoiler alert: mild

And I've heard it might not even be gluten free

SOYLENT GREEN

Soylent Green is a masterpiece, and I kind of wish it wasn't.

1973

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Stanley R. Greenberg (based on the novel Make Room! Make Room! by Harry Harrison)

Spoiler alert: get real

Ad nauseam

AD ASTRA

Here's James Gray's masterclass on how to ruin a movie that was perfectly above-average until he got to it in post.

2019

Directed by James Gray

Written by Ethan Gross and James Gray

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part XVIII: That's right! It's a measure of length!

20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA

So let's see what happens when you take the travelogue, the anti-imperial themes, and the breathless enthusiasm for made-up science out of Jules Verne's anti-imperialist science-fiction travelogue.  Is it still good?  Surprisingly, very slightly yes, but not much.

1954

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Earl Felton (based on the novel Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Drone shot

DOMINO

It really hasn't been De Palma's best century.

2019

Directed by Brian De Palma

Written by Petter Skavlan

Spoiler alert: moderate

It follows

IT: CHAPTER TWO

Second verse, same as the first.  And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

2019

Directed by Andy Muschietti

Written by Gary Dauberman (based on the novel It by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part XVII: A boy's best friend is his mother

PETER PAN

Essentially everything that could be wrong with a mid-century Disney film rolled into a single package, to die might actually have been a bigger adventure than it is (though given that is only 75 minutes, I quite manfully gutted it out).

1953

Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, and Hamilton Luske

Spoiler alert: he never grows up

Walt Disney, part XVI: Who cares for you? You're nothing but a pack of cards

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Initially wearisome, but ultimately a fair bit of fun, Alice In Wonderland is still minor Walt Disney—as the man himself agreed.

1951

Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, and Hamilton Luske

Spoiler alert: wake up, Alice

Frady cat

THE PARALLAX VIEW

The only conspiracy thriller so opaque you need to invent a conspiracy theory just to explain it to yourself.

1974

Directed by Alan J. Pakula

Written by David Giler, Lorenzo Semple Jr., and (allegedly) Robert Towne (based on the novel by Loren Singer)

Spoiler alert: high

Elementary, my dear Pikachu

DETECTIVE PIKACHU

A decent-enough frivolity to waste 104 minutes with, and apparently I had more fun with it than I thought.

2019
Directed by Rob Letterman

Written by holy cow, that's a lot of people to write a Pokémon movie

Spoiler alert: Slightly higher than moderate

You know I can't let you leave without tapping that ass one more time

DEATH PROOF

The car chase movie to beat them all, and that's only the beginning of its appeal.

2007

Written and directed by Quentin Tarantino

Spoiler alert: since there's no use talking about it without talking about it, high

Walt Disney, part XV: I said, "if"

CINDERELLA

Disney, already clawing its way out of its early grave, came roaring back to life in one of their two closest bids at "masterpiece" in a whole half-century's worth of trying.

1950

Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Hamilton Luske, and Wilfred Jackson

Spoiler alert: she still has the other shoe

Neighbors

ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD

I never thought I'd be checking my watch during a Tarantino film, but here we are.

2019

Written and directed by Quentin Tarantino

Spoiler alert: high

Walt Disney, part XIV: You can't reason with a headless man

THE ADVENTURES OF ICHABOD AND MR. TOAD

Half a masterpiece is still something to celebrate, and Disney closed the 1940s out stronger than it had been in years.

1949

Directed by Jack Kinney, Clyde Geronimi, and James Algar

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part XIII: Trees, underwear, and America

MELODY TIME

Great: another half-good, half-crap Disney package film.  Oh, Melody Time.  Whatever shall we do with you?

1948

Directed by Jack Kinney, Clyde Geronimi, Hamilton Luske, Wilfred Jackson, and William Morgan

Spoiler alert: moderate

The karate kid

THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE

A dark and weird comedy with a point—but probably the most consistently funny thing we'll get this year, so happily it's that kind of "dark and weird comedy with a point"—The Art of Self-Defense has a lot on its mind, but lays it out with stark clarity, surprising precision, and strong laughs.

2019

Written and directed by Riley Stearns

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part XII: What was the name of this movie again?

FUN AND FANCY FREE

Breezy and likeable, Fun and Fancy Free is exactly what we needed as we move through the dark days of Disney during the late 1940s.

1947

Directed by Jack Kinney, Bill Roberts, Hamilton Luske, and William Morgan

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part X: Ain't no rule says a whale can't sing at the Met

MAKE MINE MUSIC

Though blessed with at least one genuine high point, and even a few good bits after that, for the most part this anthology isn't even up-and-down, it's mostly one single flat, boring line, spread across some of the most disposable animation in the whole Disney canon.

1946

Directed by Jack Kinney, Clyde Geronimi, Hamilton Luske, and Joshua Meador

Spoiler alert: moderate

Walt Disney, part IX: I mean, has anyone ever been to Baía?

THE THREE CABALLEROS

The package film era of Disney at its most playful, of course that must be very playful indeed.  Tastes may vary on whether that makes The Three Caballeros actually good or not, but, heck, it's certainly something to see.

1944 Mexico/1945 USA

Directed by Norman Ferguson

Spoiler alert: inapplicable in the extreme