Hollowest Earth

GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE

2024

Directed by Adam Wingard

Written by Terry Rossio, Simon Barrett, Jeremy Slater, and Adam Wingard

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: In case any of you are afraid of being bored, I promise you it won't take long—it's only a small tribute

MADHOUSE

1974

Directed by Jim Davis

Written by Ken Levinson and Greg Morrison (based on the novel Devilday by Angus Hall)

Spoilers: highish

American Gothic Week: To take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them

THEATRE OF BLOOD

1973

Directed by Douglas Hickox

Written by Stanley Mann, John Kohn, and Anthony Greville-Bell

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: You cannot threaten the dead with death, my friend!

DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN

Directed by Robert Fuest

Written by Robert Blees and Robert Fuest

Spoilers: moderate

Where the wild ones are

THE BIKERIDERS

2024

Written and directed by Jeff Nichols (based on the book by Danny Lyon)

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: They have failed to procure the slightest clew

MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE

1971

Directed by Gordon Hessler

Written by Christopher Wicking and Henry Slesar (based on the story "The Murders In the Rue Morgue" by Edgar Allan Poe)

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: Balkanized

BLOOD BATH or PORTRAIT IN TERROR

aka Operation: Titian or Track of the Vampire

1966 or 1968

Directed by Rados Novakovic or Jack Hill or Stephanie Rothman

Written by Vlastimir Radovanovic or Jack Hill or Stephanie Rothman

Spoilers: moderate

American Gothic Week: The dreams were meanwhile getting to be atrocious

CURSE OF THE CRIMSON ALTAR

aka The Crimson Cult

1968

Directed by Vernon Sewell

Written by Jerry Sohl, Mervyn Haisman, and Henry Lincoln (based on "The Dreams In the Witch House" by H.P. Lovecraft)

Spoilers: moderate

Now that you are sole heir to our world, you will have every opportunity to achieve wickedness

GAS! -OR- IT BECAME NECESSARY TO DESTROY THE WORLD IN ORDER TO SAVE IT.

aka Gas-s-s-s

1970

Directed by Roger Corman

Written by George Armitage and Roger Corman

Spoilers: moderate

A lovely sort of death

THE TRIP

1967

Directed by Roger Corman

Written by Jack Nicholson and Charles B. Griffith

Spoilers: moderate, somewhat inapplicable

Some new nadir in sordid behavior

THE WILD ANGELS

1966

Directed by Roger Corman

Written by Charles B. Griffith and Peter Bogdanovich

Spoilers: moderate

If a young man came to me today with similar credentials there's no way I'd hire him

FIVE GUNS WEST

1955

Directed by Roger Corman

Written by R. Wright Campbell

Spoilers: moderate

Every other man took you at your own price—nothing!

SUSAN LENOX (HER FALL AND RISE)

1931

Directed by Robert Z. Leonard

Written by Leon Gordon, Zelda Sears, Edith Fitzgerald, and Wanda Tuchock, as well as, in an uncredited capacity, something approaching half the staff of MGM (based on the novel by David Graham Phillips)

Spoilers: moderate

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Are you familiar with the concept of evolution?

KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

2024

Directed by Wes Ball

Written by Josh Friedman

Spoilers: moderate (verging on high, maybe?)

Ain't no grave can hold my body down

IN A VIOLENT NATURE

2024

Written and directed by Chris Nash

Spoilers: moderate

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Apes together strong

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Directed by Rupert Wyatt

Written by Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, and Mark Bomback

Spoilers: severe

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human

PLANET OF THE APES

2001

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by William Boyles Jr., Lawrence Konner, and Mark Rosenthal

Spoilers: high

Do you have it in you to make it epic?

FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA

2024

Directed by George Miller

Written by Nico Lathouris and George Miller

Spoilers: moderate

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Ape has killed ape

BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES

1973

Directed by J. Lee Thompson

Written by Paul Dehn, John William Corrington, and Joyce Hooper Corrington

Spoilers: high

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Your servant? Your creature? Your animal?

CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

1972

Directed by J. Lee Thompson

Written by Paul Dehn

Spoilers: high (high also for Pierre Boulle's novel)

Can you get enough of me?

THE FALL GUY

2024

Directed by David Leitch

Written by Drew Pearce

Spoilers: moderate

Cardboard Science: Weird West

THE VALLEY OF GWANGI

1969

Directed by Jim O'Connolly

Written by Willis O'Brien, William Bast, and Julian More

THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN

1956

Directed by Ismael Rodriguez and Edward Nassour

Written by Willis O'Brien, Robert Hill, and Jack DeWitt

Spoilers: moderate

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: I loathe bananas

ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES

1971

Directed by Don Taylor

Written by Paul Dehn

Spoilers: high

Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z: Almighty bomb

BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES

1970

Directed by Ted Post

Written by Paul Dehn and Mort Abrahams

Spoilers: severe

Chimpan-A to chimpan-Z: You who are reading me now are a different breed, I hope a better one

PLANET OF THE APES

1968

Directed by Franklin J. Schaffner

Written by Rod Serling, Michael Wilson, and John T. Kelly (based on the novel by Pierre Boulle)

Spoilers: oh, c'mon

We'll be right back

LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL

2024

Written and directed by Colin Cairnes and Cameron Cairnes

Spoilers: moderate

The mediator between the head and the hands must be the heart!

THE PAJAMA GAME

1957

Directed by George Abbott and Stanley Donen

Written by George Abbott, Richard Bissell, Richard Adler, and Jerry Ross (based on the novel 7 1/2 Cents by Richard Bissell)

Spoilers: moderate

This is the story of the hurricane

SNAKE EYES

1998

Directed by Brian De Palma

Written by David Koepp and Brian De Palma

Spoilers: high, sort of

What can I say? I'm a spy

TRUE LIES

1994

Written and directed by James Cameron (based on the screenplay La Totale by Claude Zini, Simon Michaёl, and Didier Kaminka)

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LVI: I believe you left a wake-up call for the dawn of time?

DINOSAUR

2000

Directed by Ralph Zondag and Eric Leighton

Written by John Harrison, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Walon Green, et al

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LV: Mars and beyond

MISSION TO MARS

2000

Directed by Brian De Palma

Written by Lowell Cannon, Jim Thomas, John Thomas, and Graham Yost

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part LIV: Pompous circumstance

FANTASIA 2000

2000

Directed by Don Hahn, Pixote Hunt, Hendel Butoy, Eric Goldberg, James Algar, Francis Glebas, Paul Brizzi, and Gaёtan Brizzi

Spoilers: moderate, I guess

Walt Disney, part LIII: Only thing about me is the way that I walk

TARZAN

1999

Directed by Kevin Lima and Chris Buck

Written by Tab Murphy, Bob Tzudiker, and Noni White, et al

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part LII: The buck bounds here and there, whilst the doe has narrow eyes, but when the two hares run side by side, how can you tell the female from the male?

MULAN

1998

Directed by Barry Cook and Tony Bancroft

Written by Rita Hsaio, Chris Sanders, Philip LaZebnik, Raymond Singer, Eugenia Bostwick-Singer, and Robert D. San Souci

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part ΔΔΔΔΔI: You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh

HERCULES

1997

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

Written by Donald McEnery, Bob Shaw, Irene Mecchi, Ron Clements, and John Musker, et al

Spoilers: severe

Walt Disney, part L: It's not my fault, if in God's plan, he made the Devil so much stronger than a man

THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

1996

Directed by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise

Written by Tab Murphy, Irene Mecchi, Bob Tzudiker, Noni White, and Jonathan Roberts (based on the novel Notre-Dame de Paris by Victor Hugo)

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part XLIX: The pits

JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH

1996

Directed by Henry Selick

Written by Karey Kirkpatrick, Jonathan Roberts, and Steve Bloom (based on the novel by Roald Dahl)

Spoilers: moderate

May thy knife chip and shatter

DUNE: PART TWO

2024

Directed by Denis Villeneuve

Written by John Spaihts and Denis Villeneuve (based on Dune by Frank Herbert)

Spoilers: it's still just Dune, bros

Walt Disney, part XLVIII: At the minute of my execution, she hazarded the beating out of her own brains to save mine

POCAHONTAS

1995

Directed by Mike Gabriel and Eric Goldberg

Written by Carl Binder, Sussanah Grant, Philip LaZebnik, et al

Spoilers: N/A

Walt Disney, part XLVII: Stand out till you notice me

A GOOFY MOVIE

1995

Directed by Kevin Lima

Written by Jymn Magon, Chris Matheson, and Brian Pimental

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part XLVI: Bad and good luck tales

DUCKTALES THE MOVIE: TREASURE OF THE LOST LAMP

1990

Directed by Bob Hathcock

Written by Alan Burnett

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part XLV: Slimy, yet satisfying

THE LION KING

1994

Directed by Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff

Written by many

Spoilers: high

Live girls are easy

LISA FRANKENSTEIN

2024

Directed by Zelda Williams

Written by Diablo Cody

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part XLIV: I'm bored from leering my horrible glances, and my feet hurt from dancing those skeleton dances

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

1993

Directed by Henry Selick

Written by Caroline Thompson, Michael McDowell, and Danny Elfman (based on the poem by Tim Burton)

Spoilers: moderately highish, I guess

Walt Disney, part XLIII: You ain't never had a friend like me

ALADDIN

1992

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

Written by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Ron Clements, John Musker, and what appears to be the entire staff of Walt Disney Feature Animation

Spoilers: moderate

Disney's Challengers, part XI: Après moi, le déluge

ROCK-A-DOODLE

1992

Directed by Don Bluth

Written by David N. Weiss and numerous others (based on the play Chantecler by Edmond Rostand)

Spoilers: moderate

Disney's Challengers, part X: A thriving animation studio, somewhere in the world

AN AMERICAN TAIL: FIEVEL GOES WEST

1991

Directed by Simon Wells and Phil Nibbelink

Written by David Kirchner, Charles Swenson, and Flint Dille

Spoilers: moderate

Reviews from gulag: The red [door/car/nosed reindeer]

As we continue our clean-up of 2023 with a series of reviews for movies that may or may not have deserved their own entries, we arrive upon Insidious: The Red Door, annoyingly both the fourth and the second sequel to James Wan's 2011 horror superhit, Insidious, picking up the Lambert Saga ten years after Wan finished it in Insidious: Chapter 2 for no obvious reason besides giving perennial supporting-actor champion Patrick Wilson his first crack at directing; Ferrari, Michael Mann's biopic of Enzo Ferrari that, hypothetically, appeals to Mann's historic strengths as a filmmaker or should at least offer some good racing scenes; and Silent Night, John Woo's pun-titled, Christmas-themed experimental action film.  As the title up top indicates, there is indeed something meaningfully red in all three of these movies, but the actual secret theme of these graybles is that they all involve a director I respect a great deal, even if it's for reasons besides directing, nevertheless proving a disappointment.

INSIDIOUS: THE RED DOOR

I've suggested in the past that the Insidious franchise, prior to Insidious: The Red Door, is not good, and, having recently reacquainted myself with them (or become acquainted with some of them in the first place), I'm happy to recant that, albeit with faint praise; it's a horror franchise with the agreeable distinction of improving steadily throughout all of its first three entries, going from a low 7/10 for the first Insidious all the way to a medium-high 7/10 for 2015's Insidious: Chapter 3.  This was unlikely to continue apace and it did stumble, rather hard, with its fourth entry, 2018's Insidious: The Last Key, which at least had a few strong novelties to offset the feeling that the franchise had clearly exhausted most of its best moves already.  (The first three all had the benefit of being directed by one or the other of its creators, James Wan or Leigh Whannell, which makes more of a difference than you might be ready to guess, given how formulaic the scares and stories are.  Meanwhile, The Last Key was at least written by Whannell, which didn't save it, but it felt of a piece with its three predecessors.)  Other than The Last Key not being good, however, the worst thing about those first four films is that Chapter 3 took the unusual step of being a prequel focused upon Lin Shaye's paranormal investigator and spirit medium, Elise Rainier.  Obviously, insofar as Elise was almost objectively the single best element of the franchise, its focus on her was not the bad part; that's the "prequel" part, where Whannell blinked and took his franchise back in time to give Elise a new story, despite having already ended Chapter 2 with an inordinately strong sequel hook, for while that film concluded the "central" story of the Lambert family on a satisfying and happy note, it also promised Further adventures (ha, ha) with Elise and her sidekicks, irrespective of the fact that Elise had been dead for an entire movie by this point.  I mean, it's a franchise entirely about ghosts and the metaphysical dark mirror of the real world where ghosts hang out after they die; this was not some insuperable challenge.  The worst thing about the worst thing, meanwhile, is simply that, flying in the face of all logic, Whannell's prequel was still named "chapter 3."  This had to be awfully irritating when development began on Insidious: The Red Door, which finally does offer a chronologically-third Insidious movie, as well as another (and presumably the final) chapter in the story of Josh Lambert (Patrick Wilson) and Dalton Lambert (Ty Simpkins), father and son astral projectors whose unique talents had tended to get them into trouble.

The annihilator

THE MARVELS

2023

Directed by Nia DaCosta

Written by Megan McDonnell, Elissa Karasik, and Nia DaCosta

Spoilers: moderate

Disney's Challengers, part VIII: Dog damn

ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN

1989

Directed by Don Bluth (co-directed by Gary Goldman and John Pomeroy)

Written by David N. Weiss and zillion other people

Spoilers: moderate