Walt Disney, part LXII: Out in the land where the weak are target practice

HOME ON THE RANGE

2004

Directed by Will Finn and John Sanford

Written by Michael LaBash, Sam Levine, Mark Kennedy, Robert Lence, Will Finn, and John Sanford

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LXI: Not even your average bear

BROTHER BEAR

2003

Directed by Aaron Blaise and Robert Walker

Written by Tab Murphy and the rest of WDFA, I guess, based on an "idea" by Michael Eisner

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LX: All the old romance, retold exactly in the ancient way

TREASURE PLANET

2002

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

Written by Rob Edwards, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Ron Clements, and John Musker (based on the novel Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson)

Spoilers: high (though it's also, you know, Treasure Island)

Walt Disney, part LIX: This is my family, I found it all on my own; it's little, and broken, but still good

LILO & STITCH

2002

Written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part LVIII: Why Kida can't read—and what you can do about it

ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE

2001

Directed by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise

Written by Joss Whedon, Bryce Zabel, Jackie Zabel, Tab Murphy, Gary Trousdale, and Kirk Wise

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part LVII: His groove! The rhythm by which he lives his life, his pattern of behavior—I threw it off!

THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE

2000

Directed by Mark Dindal

Written by David Reynolds, Chris Williams, and Mark Dindal

Spoilers: moderate

Don't stop believing

HERETIC

2024

Written and directed by Scott Beck and Bryan Woods

Spoilers: moderate

The Encyclopedia Brown: You're a real down-in-the-earth girl

SADIE MCKEE

1934

Directed by Clarence Brown

Written by John Meehan, Bess Meredyth, E.A. Woolf, Carey Wilson, and Vicki Baum (based on "Pretty Sadie McKee" by Viña Delmar)

Spoilers: moderate

Nightmare Week: How's this for a wet dr... wait

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

2010

Directed by Samuel Bayer

Written by Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer

Spoilers: high

Suck it, Fox, I'm going to Disneyland

DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE

2024

Directed by Shawn Levy

Written by Rhett Reese, Paul Wenick, Zeb Wells, Ryan Reynolds, and Shawn Levy

Spoilers: moderate

They love whom they penalize; they bring into disrepute whom they applaud; they extol the art, and brand the artist with disgrace

GLADIATOR

2000

Directed by Ridley Scott

Written by David Franzoni, John Logan, and William Nicholson

Spoilers: severe

You're so cool, Brewster

FRIGHT NIGHT

1985

Written and directed by Tom Holland

Spoilers: moderate

Friday Week: Say hi to mommy in hell

FRIDAY THE 13th

2009

Directed by Marcus Nispel

Written by Mark Wheaton, Damian Shannon, and Mark Swift

Spoilers: high

It hadn’t come to him, the knowledge, on the wings of experience; it had brushed him, jostled him, upset him, with the disrespect of chance, the insolence of accident

THE BEAST

2024

Directed by Bertrand Bonello

Written by Benjamin Charbit, Guillaume Bréaud, and Bertrand Bonello (based on the novella "The Beast In the Jungle" by Henry James)

Spoilers: moderate

Census Bloodbath: Sleep out with your peep out

SLEEPAWAY CAMP

It's Halloween again, and you know what that means.  Like every year, we resurrect Brennan Klein over at Popcorn Culture for our October Switcheroo!  Sometimes I win, sometimes he loses, but either way, it means Brennan trapped in our own Cardboard Science format and reviewing 50s sci-fi classics or not-so-classics, while I wear his face for a while with some 80s slashers, Census Bloodbath-style.

1983

Written and directed by Robert Hiltzick

Spoilers: extraordinarily severe; or, everybody already knows anyway; or, I'm not sure, but you've been warned

Nightmare Week meets Friday Week: The only thing to fear is fear himself; or Dude, that goalie was pissed about something

FREDDY VS. JASON

2003

Directed by Ronny Yu

Written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift

Spoilers: severe

Friday Week: Jason fucking Voorhees, that's what's going on

JASON X

2002

Directed by Jim Isaac

Written by Todd Farmer

Spoilers: high

Nightmare Week: I don't know why you like these stupid old fairy tales

WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE

1994

Written and directed by Wes Craven

Spoilers: high

Friday Week: In a Voorhees was he born, through a Voorhees may he be reborn, and only by the hands of a Voorhees will he die

JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY

1993

Directed by Adam Marcus and Sean Cunningham

Written by Dean Lorey, Jay Huguely, and Adam Marcus

Spoilers: high

Nightmare Week: Every town has an Elm Street

FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE

1991

Directed by Rachel Talalay

Written by Michael De Luca and Rachel Talalay

Spoilers: see above (high)

Nightmare Week: Hi Alice, wanna make babies?

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD

1989

Directed by Stephen Hopkins

Written by Leslie Boehm, John Skipp, and Craig Spector

Spoilers: moderate

Friday Week: Trapped by dark waters, there is no escape—nor do we want it

 

FRIDAY THE 13th PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN

1989

Written and directed by Rob Hedden

Spoiler alert: moderate

Note: though based on a fresh watch, this is a re-edited-more-than-I'd-have-liked version of an earlier review written in connection with my annual Halloween-time crossover with Brennan Klein (rarely these days of Popcorn Culture, more commonly of Alternate Ending).  My hopes were to barely change it.  My hopes were dashed, given that significant stretches would have been redundant with things we've already covered in previous entries (particularly my grand unified theories of Friday the 13th criticism), while a lot was simply performative whining that only makes sense in the context of Brennan having control over the programming.  The original will, of course, remain, and it has a lot of neat slasher flick errata insofar as the crossover concept demands I ape the format of Brennan's impiously encyclopedic Census Bloodbath series of 80s slasher film reviews, which I obviously recommend.

Nightmare Week: How's this for a wet dream?

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER

1988

Directed by Renny Harlin

Written by William Kotzwinkle, Brian Helgeland, Ken Wheat, and Jim Wheat

Spoilers: high

Friday Week: A killer buried but not dead

FRIDAY THE 13th PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD

1988

Directed by John Carl Buechler

Written by Manuel Fidello and Daryl Haney

Spoilers: moderate

Nightmare Week: Welcome to prime time, bitch

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS

1987

Directed by Chuck Russell

Written by Wes Craven, Bruce Wagner, Frank Darabont, and Chuck Russell

Spoilers: moderate

Douglas Howser–Reanimator

DEADLY FRIEND

1986

Directed by Wes Craven

Written by Bruce Joel Rubin (based on the novel Friend by Diana Henstell)

Spoilers: moderate

Come on in! The show's fine

BATHING BEAUTY

1944

Directed by George Sidney

Written by Joseph Schrank, Kenneth Earl, M.M. Musselman, Curtis Kenyon, Allen Boretz, Frank Waldman, and Dorothy Kingsley

Spoilers: moderate

Friday Week: Just because our parents keep telling us that Jason was only a legend doesn't mean it wasn't true

FRIDAY THE 13th PART VI: JASON LIVES

1986

Written and directed by Tom McLoughlin

Spoilers: severe

Nightmare Week: He's inside me, and he wants to take me again

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE

1985

Directed by Jack Sholder

Written by David Chaskin

Spoilers: high

The fairest of them all

THE SUBSTANCE

2024

Written and directed by Coralie Fargeat

Spoilers: moderate, also I get personal and weird

Friday Week: Now, I certainly know what it is you're trying to do, and I respect it, I do

FRIDAY THE 13th: A NEW BEGINNING

1985

Directed by Danny Steinmann

Written by Martin Kitrosser, David Cohen, and Danny Steinmann

Spoilers: severe

La cité obscure

MEGALOPOLIS: A FABLE

2024

Written and directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Spoilers: moderate

Nightmare Week: Screw sleep

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

1984

Written and directed by Wes Craven

Spoilers: severe

Friday Week: Then I'm a dead fuck

FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER

1984

Directed by Joseph Zito

Written by Bruce Hidemi Sakow and Barney Cohen

Spoilers: high

Friday Week: You are indeed, all of you, kind and generous young people

FRIDAY THE 13th PART III

1982

Directed by Steve Miner

Written by Martin Kitrosser, Carol Watson, and Petru Popescu

Spoilers: high

Limbic capitalism

INSIDE OUT 2

2024

Directed by Kelsey Mann

Written by Meg LeFauve, Dave Holstein, and Kelsey Mann

Spoilers: moderate

I want to be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you

THREE LITTLE WORDS

1950

Directed by Richard Thorpe

Written by George Wells

Spoilers: moderate, rather inapplicable

Friday Week: I don't wanna scare anyone, but I'm gonna give it to you straight about Jason

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2

1981

Directed by Steve Miner

Written by Ron Kurz

Spoilers: high

Housekeeping note: obviously, the "week" part has always been a joke, but of course it's really not anyone's best practice to start a themed series and then fail to even get a second part out (or anything out) before seven days have elapsed.  In my defense, I've been busy, with 71 straight days of work (that's LXXI, for the Roman numeral-challenged crafters of today's subject's in-film title card), and then a big push against a deadline here at the end.  So I genuinely didn't have the time.  Now I have nothing but.  Life!

Friday Week: And then the rain turns to blood, and it washes away in little rivers, and then the sound stops

FRIDAY THE 13th

1980

Directed by Sean S. Cunningham

Written by Victor Miller and Ron Kurz

Spoilers: severe, but, like, get real

Electric ladyland

STRANGE DARLING

2024

Written and directed by JT Mollner

Spoilers: insofar as I can't think of anything more pointless than doing a non-"spoiler" review of Strange Darling, high

The boat collector

DEAD CALM

1989

Directed by Phillip Noyce

Written by Terry Hayes (based on the novel by Charles Williams)

Spoilers: moderate

Ocean's Week: Screw Sinatra's hand

OCEAN'S THIRTEEN

2007

Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Written by Brian Koppelman and David Levien

Spoilers: moderate

Ocean's Week: It's not in my nature to be mysterious, but I can't talk about it, and I can't talk about why

OCEAN'S TWELVE

2004

Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Written by George Nolfi

Spoilers: high

Ocean's Week: I have a question. Say we get into the cage, through the security doors there, and down the elevator we can't move, and past the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can't open...

OCEAN'S ELEVEN

2001

Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Written by Ted Griffin

Spoilers: moderate

Ocean's Week: Fifty percent of something is better than one hundred percent of nothing

OCEAN'S 11

1960

Directed by Lewis Milestone

Written by George Clayton Johnson, Jack Golden Russell, Harry Brown, and Charles Lederer

Spoilers: moderate

Get your ass to Mars

MARS EXPRESS

2023 eux/2024 nous

Directed by Jérémie Périn

Written by Laurent Safarti and Jérémie Périn

Spoilers: moderate

What a disaster: We're an airplane, not a spaceship

STARFLIGHT ONE

aka Starflight: The Plane That Couldn't Land, and other titles

1983

Directed by Jerry Jameson

Written by Gene Warren, Peter R. Brooke, and Robert Malcolm Young

Spoilers: moderate

What a disaster: The Jerry Jameson TV roundup, part 2

In which we discuss Terror On the 40th Floor, The Deadly Tower, Superdome, and A Fire In the Sky, concluding our overview of the disaster telefilms Jerry Jameson directed in the 70s, which began here., where we dealt with Heatwave!, The Elevator, and Hurricane.

TERROR ON THE 40th FLOOR (1974)

When I set myself to the disaster telefilms of Jerry Jameson, I negligently failed to realize there were this many, so many that even just "the disaster telefilms of Jerry Jameson of 1974" became a fractal, neverending endeavor, so that I suppose that after doing three previously and only realizing I'd missed a fourth now, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if there were, somehow, four more still lurking out there to make me look foolish.  Fortunately, Terror On the 40th Floor doesn't change anything I said about The Elevator, which is, if anything, even more comfortably Jameson's best movie of an extremely busy 1974.  Similar in setting and somewhat in concept to The Elevator, what we've actually got here isn't that at all, and it's pretty shameless and more than a little suspect just from the outset: a skyscraper-on-fire TV disaster movie aired three months before The Towering Inferno came out in theaters in December.  If that sounds hackish and mercenary and even gauche to you (yet actually about two months too early to properly parasitize on the marketing and hype for The Towering Inferno, especially when Airport 1975 is presently playing on the big screen), you're pretty much right; this is quite low-effort material.  A notable distinction, anyway, is that The Towering Inferno is legitimately "about something"—mostly that fire is hot, sure—but also that skyscrapers and perhaps the system that produces them are an affront to morality, and the disaster there is triggered by greed and hubris and poor regulation; in Terror on the 40th Floor, the disaster is triggered by a drunken blue collar worker spilling fire all over everything.

It's a

TRAP

2024

Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Spoilers: moderate

Tornadon't

TWISTERS

2024

Directed by Lee Isaac Chung

Written by Joseph Kosinski and Mark L. Smith

Spoilers: moderate