You're not fast enough for me

THE QUICK AND THE DEAD

1995

Directed by Sam Raimi

Written by Simon Moore

Spoilers: moderate

Sure, convince them they're straight! I know I really enjoyed dating a lesbian for six months in my first year of college, you fucking dolts

BOY ERASED

It's that time of year again!  'Tis the season of middlebrow movies made for decent middle-class liberals who want to feel superior to (choose one) [Nazis/slavers/Christian fundamentalists], as well as, to some extent, their victims.  Oho!  I see you've picked [Christian fundamentalists]!  Excellent choice!  Here's a dour film that tells you that gay conversion therapy is bad, and, sometimes but not that often, even how and why!  (Still, for what it is, it's a qualified success, so let's not be as mean as we could be.)

2018

Written and directed by Joel Edgerton (based on the book by Garrard Conley)

With Lucas Hedges (Jared Eamons) Nicole Kiman (Nancy Eamons), Russell Crowe (Marshall Eamons), and Joel Edgerton (Victor Sykes)

Spoiler alert: N/A

Darren Aronofsky, part VII: Wet dreams

NOAH

Upon returning to Noah after three years, I find the opposite of what I thought it was.  Now I know: it's one of the most philosophically-engaged religious films ever made.  That doesn't mean it's one of the best, but it is one of the better ones made lately.

2014

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Written by Dr. Ari Handel and Darren Aronofsky

With Russell Crowe (Noah), Jennifer Connelly (Naameh), Douglas Booth (Shem), Logan Lerman (Ham), Leo McHugh Carroll (Japheth), Emma Watson (Ila), Frank Langella (Og), Nick Nolte (Samyaza), Anthony Hopkins (Methuselah), and Ray Winstone (Tubal-cain)

Spoiler alert: high, I guess, but also N/A

Charlton Heston is dead

NOAH

Propaganda without a program, a story without characters, and a spectacle without enough worth looking at, Darren Aronofsky's Noah fails to be what it could have been and isn't even a good version of what it is.

2014
Directed by Darren Aronofsky
Written by Ari Handel and Darren Aronofsky
With Russel Crowe (Noah), Jennifer Connelly (Naameh), Ray Winstone (Tubal-cain), Anthony Hopkins (Methuselah), Emma Watson (Ila), Logan Lerman (Shem), Douglas Booth (Ham), Mark Margolis (Optimus Prime), and Nick Nolte (Bumblebee)

Spoiler alert: moderate