Judgment Week, part V: Men like you built the hydrogen bomb

TERMINATOR GENISYS

The franchise does get worse, after all.

2015
Directed by Alan Taylor
Written by Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier
With Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator), Emilia Clarke (Sarah Connor), Jason Clarke (John Connor), Jai Courtney (Kyle Reese), J.K Simmons (O'Brien), Byung-Hun Lee (a T-1000), and Matt Smith (Skynet)

Spoiler alert: moderate

If you want to bless me, you'll have to bless my bottom

WATERSHIP DOWN

The movie for the morbidly depressed yet deeply spiritual toddler in your life.

1978
Directed by Martin Rosen and John Hubley
Written by Martin Rosen (based on the novel by Richard Adams)
With John Hurt (Hazel), Richard Briers (Fiver), Michael Graham Cox (Bigwig), Harry Andrews (Gen. Woundwort), and Zero Mostel (Kehaar)

Spoiler alert: moderate

The infinitesimal and the infinite

ANT-MAN

Delightfully pure adventure cinema is here, and if you ever had your doubts about Ant-Man, consider your dumb doubts dispelled.  Seriously, what was wrong with you?

Directed by Peyton Reed

Written by Edgar Wright, Joe Cornish, Adam McKay, and Paul Rudd

With Paul Rudd (Ant-Man), Michael Douglas (Dr. Hank Pym), Evangeline Lilly (Hope Van Dyne), Michael Pena (Luis), Bobby Cannavale (Paxton), Abby Ryder Forston (Cassie Lang), and Corey Stoll (Darren Cross)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Judgment Week, part IV: Pain can be controlled

TERMINATOR SALVATION

The nadir of the franchise.  One hopes.

2009
Directed by Joseph McGinty Nichol
Written by John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris
With Sam Worthington (Marcus Wright), Christian Bale (John Connor), Anton Yelchin (Kyle Reese), Moon Bloodgood (Blair Williams), Michael Ironside (Gen. Ashdown), and Helena Bonham Carter (Dr. Serena Kogan, and also Skynet, apparently)

Spoiler alert: severe

Judgment Week, part III: I know now why you cry, but it is something I can never do

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES

Piece of garbage or unacknowledged classic? Can it be both?

2003
Directed by Jonathan Mostow
Written by John D. Brancato, Michael Ferris, and Tedi Sarafian
With Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator), Nick Stahl (John Connor), Claire Danes (Kate Brewster), and Kristanna Loken (The TX)

Spoiler alert: severe, because why bother without the best part?

Judgment Week, part II: Liquid metal

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY

Robots killing humans only gets better than this when it's in space.

1991
Directed by James Cameron
Written by William Wisher and James Cameron
With Linda Hamilton (Sarah Connor), Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator), Edward Furlong (John Connor), Joe Morton (Miles Dyson), and Robert Patrick (The T-1000)

Spoiler alert: severe, but seriously, come on

Judgment Week, part I: I love you, I always have

THE TERMINATOR

Robots killing humans just doesn't come much better than this.

1984
Directed by James Cameron
Written by Gale Anne Hurd, William Wisher, and James Cameron
With Linda Hamilton (Sarah Connor), Michael Biehn (Kyle Reese), and Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator)

Spoiler alert: severe, like it matters