Census Bloodbath: Sleep out with your peep out

SLEEPAWAY CAMP

It's Halloween again, and you know what that means.  Like every year, we resurrect Brennan Klein over at Popcorn Culture for our October Switcheroo!  Sometimes I win, sometimes he loses, but either way, it means Brennan trapped in our own Cardboard Science format and reviewing 50s sci-fi classics or not-so-classics, while I wear his face for a while with some 80s slashers, Census Bloodbath-style.

1983

Written and directed by Robert Hiltzick

Spoilers: extraordinarily severe; or, everybody already knows anyway; or, I'm not sure, but you've been warned

What a disaster: We're an airplane, not a spaceship

STARFLIGHT ONE

aka Starflight: The Plane That Couldn't Land, and other titles

1983

Directed by Jerry Jameson

Written by Gene Warren, Peter R. Brooke, and Robert Malcolm Young

Spoilers: moderate

What a disaster: The Zeus Katachthonios adventure

CAVE-IN!

1983

Directed by Georg Fenady

Written by Norman Katkov

Spoilers: moderate

What a disaster: "Geological faults"? I knew sooner or later you'd get around to that tired old chestnut

THE NIGHT THE BRIDGE FELL DOWN

1983

Directed by Georg Fenady

Written by Arthur Weiss, Ray Goldstone, Michael Robert David, and Alvin Boretz

Spoilers: moderate

Bela Lugosi is dead

THE HUNGER

1983

Directed by Tony Scott

Written by Ivan Davis and Michael Thomas (based on the novel by Whitley Strieber)

Spoilers: moderate perhaps tipping over into high

King Week: The judgment of dog

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

CUJO

1983

Directed by Lewis Teague

Written by Don Carlos Dunaway and Barbara Turner (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: high

King Week: Death to President Bartlet!

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

THE DEAD ZONE

1983
Directed by David Cronenberg
Written by Jeffrey Boam (based on the novel by Stephen King)

Spoiler alert: moderate (why, I don't even mention the baby, even though it's the coolest part) 

Super Week, part III: Superdick

SUPERMAN III

If for nothing else other than evening out the tone of the franchise, Superman III should be congratulated—even if it only got evened out in favor of idiotic hi-jinx.  The point is, at least it feels of a piece with itself, and that's some kind of improvement over the patchwork of Superman II.  Obviously, however, nobody in their right mind would ever describe it as an actual better movie.  Or would I?

1983
Directed by Richard Lester

Written by David Newman and Leslie Newman

With Christopher Reeve (Clark Kent/Kal-El), Annette O'Toole (Lana Lang), Jackie Cooper (Perry White), Marc McClure (Jimmy Olsen), Margot Kidder (Lois Lane), Richard Pryor (Gus Gorman), Pamela Stephenson (Lorelei), Annie Ross (Vera Webster), and Robert Vaughn (Ross Webster)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Steven Spielberg, part XI: Not only of sight and sound, but of mind

TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE

Plumbing his childhood once again, we find Spielberg teaming up with his pal John Landis, as well as Australian action-monger George Miller and rising schlockmeister Joe Dante, in order to bring their beloved TV show back to life.  You'll soon find yourself intently wishing that Spielberg, and especially Landis, hadn't bothered at all.  But then again, there's Miller and Dante, and what you wind up with is an anthology movie that averages out to legitimately awesome—particularly if you don't look too closely at any of the math you used to arrive at that conclusion.

1983

Directed by John Landis (Prologue, "Time Out"), Steven Spielberg ("Kick the Can"), Joe Dante ("It's a Good Life"), and George Miller ("Nightmare at 20,000 Feet")

Written by John Landis (Prologue, "Time Out"), George Clayton Johnson, Richard Matheson, and Melissa Mathison ("Kick the Can"), Jerome Bixby and Richard Matheson ("It's a Good Life"), and Richard Matheson ("Nightmare at 20,000 Feet")

With...

Prologue: Albert Brooks (The Driver) and Dan Akroyd (The Passenger)

"Time Out": Vic Morrow (Bill Connor)

"Kick the Can": Scatman Crothers (Mr. Bloom)

"It's a Good Life": Kathleen Quinlan (Helen Foley) and Jeremy Licht (Anthony)

"Nightmare at 20,000 Feet": John Lithgow (John Valentine)

...and Burgess Meredith (The Narrator)

Spoiler alert: moderate

John Carpenter, part XI: God, I hate rock and roll

CHRISTINE

A great central metaphor and some of the most unique "gore" ever put in a movie combine to make Christine one of John Carpenter's best.

1983

Directed by John Carpenter

Written by Bill Phillips (based on the novel by Stephen King)

With Keith Gordon (Arnie Cunningham), John Stockwell (Dennis Guilder), Alexandra Paul (Leigh Cabot), Robert Prosky (Will Darnell), Harry Dean Stanton (Det. Rudolph Jenkins), William Ostrander (Buddy Eperton), Malcolm Danare (Moochie), Steven Tash (Rich Trelawney), Stuart Charno (Don Vanderburg), Christine Belford (Regina Cunningham), Robert Darnell (Michael Cunningham), and Roberts Blossom (George LeBay)

Spoiler alert: high

Census Bloodbath: How diabolic

 

THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW

It's October again!  And that means it's time for Kinemalogue's annual crossover with Brennan Klein's Popcorn Culture, which is still just about the best blog you could ever read, while Brennan has in the intervening year gone from "horror media expert" to "horror media professional."  So, just like last year, from now till Halloween, I'll be pretending to know what Brennan knows and reviewing some rad 80s slashers, while Brennan will review some swell 50s science fiction!  Let the mayhem begin!

1983

Directed by Mark Rosman

Written by Bobby Fine and Mark Rosman

With Kathryn McNeil (Katherine), Eileen Davidson (Vicki), Janis Ward (Liz), Robin Meloy (Jeanie), Harley Jane Kozak (Diane), Jodi Draigie (Morgan), Ellen Dorsher (Stevie), Lois Kelso Hunt/Barbara Harris' voice (Mrs. Slater), and Christopher Lawrence (Dr. Beck)

Spoiler alert: high

Census Bloodbath: Harry Lime buys a chainsaw

PIECES
Mil gritos tiene la noche (A Thousand Terrors Has the Night)

In the spirit of October masquerade fun, now comes the crossover between this here webzone and Brennan Klein's Popcorn Culture, just about the best blog you could ever read, and even better if you're a horror aficionado!  From now till Halloween, I'll be wearing the mask of someone who actually knows shit about the slasher genre, while Brennan will (far more ably) review some spooky 1950s science fiction!  Join us!  Or I'll be forced to use even more exclamation points!

1982 Espana/1983 USA
Directed by Juan Piquer Simon
Written by Dick Randall, Joe D'Amato (as John Shadow), and Juan Piquer Simon
With Ian Sera (Kendall), Linda Day George (Officer Mary Riggs), Christopher George (Lt. Bracken), Frank Brana (Sgt. Holden), Paul Smith (Willard), William Taylor (Prof. Brown), and Edmund Purdom (the Dean)

Spoiler alert: moderate

How about a nice game of Galaga?

WARGAMES

A great thriller that has a lot of trouble concealing its controversial political agenda.

1983
Directed by John Badham
Written by Lawrence Lasker, Walter Parkes, and Walon Green
With Matthew Broderick (David), Ally Sheedy (Jennifer), Dabney Coleman (Dr. McKittrick), and John Wood (Prof. Falken)

Spoiler alert: severe