The fish on the land ain't happy; they sad 'cause they in the bowl

CHAO

2026

Directed by Yasuhiro Aoki

Written by Saku Konohana

Spoilers: mild

We could've been anything that we wanted to be, with all the talent we had

THE BAD GUYS 2

2025

Directed by Pierre Perifel

Written by Yoni Brenner and Etan Cohen

Spoilers: moderate

Hansen's disease

PRIMETIME

2026

Directed by Lance Oppenheim

Written by Ajon Singh (based on the article "Tonight On Dateline This Man Will Die" by Luke Dittrich)

Spoilers: N/A

If I say I'm an oil man, you will agree

DIGGER

2026

Directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu

Written by Alexander Dinelaris, Nicolás Giacobone, Sabina Berman, and Alejandro González Iñárritu

Spoilers: not that I'd say so myself, but if one wished to discuss the film in any meaningful way whatsoever, apparently "high"

That Age is best, which is the first, when Youth and Blood are warmer

TEENAGE SEX AND DEATH AT CAMP MIASMA

2026

Written and directed by Jane Schoenbrun

Spoilers: high

It's a dead man's party—who could ask for more?

BEETLEJUICE

1988

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by Michael McDowell, Larry Wilson, and Warren Skaaren

Spoilers: high

...still doesn't really explain the scissors, though

EDWARD SCISSORHANDS

1990

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by Caroline Thompson and Tim Burton

Spoilers: severe

I'm the luckiest boy in the world

PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE

1985

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by Phil Hartman, Michael Varhol, and Paul Reubens

Spoilers: high

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that?

THE DRAMA

2026

Written and directed by Kristoffer Borgli

Spoilers: would be a complete waste of time at anything lower than "high," so high

A heterosexual movie by Gregg Araki

I WANT YOUR SEX

2026

Directed by Gregg Araki

Written by Karley Sciortino and Gregg Araki

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LXXI: Closing the book

WINNIE THE POOH

2011

Directed by Stephen Anderson and Don Hall

Written by a bunch

Spoilers: More-or-less inapplicable, as I'm sure you could guess

It's never who you want to be monogamous who's monogamous

THE INVITE

2026

Directed by Olivia Wilde

Written by Will McCormack and Rashida Jones (based on the movie Sentimental by Cesc Gay)

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LXX: All at once, everything looks different

TANGLED

2010

Directed by Byron Howard and Nathan Greno

Written by Dan Fogelman, plus innumerable others, over more than a decade

Spoilers: severe

Sherwood Week: A jest of Robin Hood

ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS

1993

Directed by Mel Brooks

Written by Evan Chandler, J. David Shapiro, and Mel Brooks

Spoilers: still inapplicable

This is nothing like Avatar! (Rating: mostly true)

HOPPERS

2026

Directed by Daniel Chong

Written by Jesse Andrews and Daniel Chong

Spoilers: moderate

Now is not the time for nuance

I LOVE BOOSTERS

2026

Written and directed by Boots Riley

Spoilers: moderate

There are no abominable snowmen; there are no sasquatches; there are no bigfeet!

HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS

1987

Directed by William Dear

Written by William E. Martin, Ezra D. Rappaport, and William Dear

Spoilers: high

Second childhood

COCOON

1985

Directed by Ron Howard

Written by David Saperstein and Tom Benedek

*BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

1987

Directed by Matthew Robbins

Written by Mick Garris, Brad Bird, Brent Maddock, S.S. Wilson, and Matthew Robbins

Spoilers: moderate to moderately highish

Please don't take my sunshine away

PROJECT HAIL MARY

2026

Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

Written by Drew Goddard (based on the novel by Andy Weir)

Spoilers: moderate

Life was a bitter cup for the saddest of all men (bomp-bada-bomp-ba-bomp bomp-bomp-ba-bomp bomp-ba-bomp dang-da-dang-dang-ding-a-dong-ding)

BLUE MOON

2025

Directed by Richard Linklater

Written by Robert Kaplow

Spoilers: for what, Oklahoma!? I mean, high, I guess