I'm the luckiest boy in the world

PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE

1985

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by Phil Hartman, Michael Varhol, and Paul Reubens

Spoilers: high

Second childhood

COCOON

1985

Directed by Ron Howard

Written by David Saperstein and Tom Benedek

*BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

1987

Directed by Matthew Robbins

Written by Mick Garris, Brad Bird, Brent Maddock, S.S. Wilson, and Matthew Robbins

Spoilers: moderate to moderately highish

Census Bloodbath: You have a 20th century mind—you may soon regret it

SUPERSTITION

aka The Witch

It's Halloween again, and for our 12th annual Switcheroo with Brennan Klein of Popcorn Culture, we're doing what we always do this time of year when we turn the tables on one another: he takes over my Cardboard Science feature and reviews some of those corny mid-century sci-fi movies, and I do some fieldwork for Brennan's Census Bloodbath, as he gives me a slate of sick 80s slasher flicks from his ever-expanding encyclopedia of death.  This year we're back to full power, with three psyche-scarring films of Brennan's selection.

1982 elsewhere/1985 USA

Directed by James W. Roberson

Written by Michael O. Sajbel, Bret Thompson Plate, Brad White, and Donald G. Thompson

Spoilers: moderate

You're so cool, Brewster

FRIGHT NIGHT

1985

Written and directed by Tom Holland

Spoilers: moderate

Nightmare Week: He's inside me, and he wants to take me again

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE

1985

Directed by Jack Sholder

Written by David Chaskin

Spoilers: high

Friday Week: Now, I certainly know what it is you're trying to do, and I respect it, I do

FRIDAY THE 13th: A NEW BEGINNING

1985

Directed by Danny Steinmann

Written by Martin Kitrosser, David Cohen, and Danny Steinmann

Spoilers: severe

Walt Disney, part XXXIII: I presume, boy, that you are the keeper of this oracular pig?

THE BLACK CAULDRON

1985

Directed by Ted Berman and Richard Rich

Spoiler alert: moderate

King Week: Stephen's cat

In which Halloween-related marathoning has resulted in reviews of several spooky movies from the mind of the world's favorite horror author, Stephen King.

CAT'S EYE

1985

Directed by Lewis Teague

Written by Stephen King (based in part on King's short stories from Night Shift)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Cimmerian Week, part III: You're a brave girl, but danger is my trade!

RED SONJA

The legend of Conan continues without Conan, but not without Schwazenegger, and what we get is a bog standard fantasy-actioner that does nothing very well and nothing very poorly.  It is content, instead, to just exist.

1985

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by Clive Exton and George MacDonald Fraser

With Brigitte Nielsen (Sonja), Arnold Schwarzenegger (Kalidor), Ernie Reyes Jr. (Prince Tam), Paul L. Smith (Falkon), and Sandahl Bergman (Queen Gedren)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Joe Dante, part VI: It's a town full of losers, and we're pulling out of here to win

EXPLORERS

If Joe Dante ever did make a masterpiece, you're looking at it.  What it does right, it does better than any other film of its kind, and what it does wrong is still hypnotically fascinating.  You know, like a car crash, only one with a lot of allegorical portent to go along with all the twisted metal and ruined lives.

1985

Directed by Joe Dante

Written by Eric Luke

With Ethan Hawke (Benjamin Crandall), River Phoenix (Wolfgang Mueller), Jason Presson (Darren Woods), James Cromwell (Mr. Mueller), Dick Miller (Charlie Drake), Amanda Peterson (Lori Swenson), Leslie Rickert (Neek), and Robert Picardo (Wak)

Spoiler alert: severe

The Coens, part I: What I know about is Texas, and down here, you're on your own

BLOOD SIMPLE

Though not without a few rankling problems with its plot and staging, Blood Simple is almost too good to be a pair of inexperienced brothers' first time at bat.

1985

Written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen

With Frances McDormand (Abby), John Getz (Ray), Samm Art-Williams (Meurice), Dan Hedaya (Marty), and M. Emmett Walsh (Loren Visser)

Spoiler alert: moderate, considering it's also 31 years old
Note: this review is based on the very slightly re-edited "director's cut" of Blood Simple released in 2001

Steven Spielberg, part XIV: I want to talk to you seriously for a moment, and, on and off, for the next thirty-one years

THE COLOR PURPLE

The director stumbles into Oscarbait, but the good kind, and comes up with a movie that demonstrates that his powers can be used for edification as well as entertainment—while also showcasing a pacey and unfocused screenplay, for almost a full hour longer than it really needs to showcase it.  (The even shorter, snarkier version is, "Welcome to the Spielberg... of the future!")

1985

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Written by Menno Meyjes (based on the novel by Alice Walker)

With Whoopi Goldberg/Desreta Jackson (Celie Johnson, nee Harris), Akosua Busia (Nettie Harris), Oprah Winfrey (Sofia Johnson), Margaret Avery (Shug Avery), Willard E. Pugh (Harpo Johnson), and Danny Glover ("Mister" Albert Johnson)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Robert Zemeckis, part V: Tempus fugit

BACK TO THE FUTURE

And now, we really find out what we've gotten ourselves into: the uninterrupted run of classics, super-classics, and near-classics that can compete with the work of any director, living or dead—not to mention a great movie, in and of itself, as well as the beginning of something even bigger than just one film, no less than a trilogy worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as the mightiest franchises of a singularly-befranchised decade.

1985

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Written by Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis

With Michael J. Fox (Marty McFly), Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmett Brown), Claudia Wells (Jennifer Parker), Lea Thompson (Lorraine McFly, nee Baines), Crispin Glover (George McFly), and Thomas F. Wilson (Biff Tannen)

Spoiler alert: severe

Steven Spielberg, part XIII: The octopus was very scary!

THE GOONIES

Hey, Goonies never say die.

1985

Directed by Richard Donner

Written by Chris Columbus and Steven Spielberg

With Sean Astin (Mikey), Josh Brolin (Brand), Ke Huy Quan (Data), Jeff Cohen (Chunk), Corey Feldman (Mouth), Kerri Green (Andy), Martha Plimpton (Stef), John Matuszak (Sloth Fratelli), Joe Pantoliano (Francis Fratelli), Robert Davi (Jake Fratelli), and Anne Ramsay (Mama Fratelli)

Spoiler alert: moderate

Two plots enter, no plot leaves

MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME

1985

Directed by George Miller and George Ogilvie

Written by George Miller and Terry Hayes

With Mel Gibson (Max Rockatansky), Tina Turner (Aunty Entity), Angelo Rossitto (Master), Paul Larsson (Blaster), Helen Buday (Savannah Nix), Bruce Spence (The Gyro Capt—what? he’s not the same character whose idea was it to cast the same actor who played the guy with the flying machine from Road Warrior in the role of a guy with a flying machine in Beyond Thunderdome but they’re different characters that’s INSANE Jedediah the Pilot)