As alive as you need me to be

TRON: ARES

2025

Directed by Joachim Ronning

Written by David DiGilio and Jesse Witugow

Spoilers: moderate

Reach out and touch someone

BLACK PHONE 2

2025

Directed by Scott Derrickson

Written by C. Robert Cargill and Scott Derrickson

Spoilers: moderate (though I make some implications that could, conceivably, be construed as "high" spoilers)

Census Bloodbath: You have a 20th century mind—you may soon regret it

SUPERSTITION

aka The Witch

It's Halloween again, and for our 12th annual Switcheroo with Brennan Klein of Popcorn Culture, we're doing what we always do this time of year when we turn the tables on one another: he takes over my Cardboard Science feature and reviews some of those corny mid-century sci-fi movies, and I do some fieldwork for Brennan's Census Bloodbath, as he gives me a slate of sick 80s slasher flicks from his ever-expanding encyclopedia of death.  This year we're back to full power, with three psyche-scarring films of Brennan's selection.

1985

Directed by James W. Roberson

Written by Michael O. Sajbel, Bret Thompson Plate, Brad White, and Donald G. Thompson

Spoilers: moderate

Mentally ill from Amityville: A devil-shaped hole

AMITYVILLE 3-D

1983

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Written by David Ambrose

Spoilers: moderate

Mentally ill from Amityville: Auto de fe(o)

AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION

1982

Directed by Damiano Damiani

Written by Tommy Lee Wallace and Dardano Sacchetti (based on Murder In Amityville by Hans Holzer)

Spoilers: moderate, or high, or inapplicable?

Mentally ill from Amityville: 28 days later

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

1979

Directed by Stuart Rosenberg

Written by Sandor Stern (based on the book by Jay Anson)

Spoilers: moderate, but sort of inapplicable, right?

Okay, bye, I love you

ELIO

2025

Directed by Madeline Sharafian, Domee Shi, and Adrian Molina

Written by Julia Cho, Mark Hammer, Mike Jones, Madeline Sharafian, Domee Shi, and Adrian Molina

Spoilers: moderate, though also borderline inapplicable

Cardboard Science: But he had glimpsed a dark swooping patch overhead, lighted by gleams of fox-fire redder than the aurora glow, and had heard a flutter of thick wings and smelled a whiff of corruption tainting the clean air

THE GIANT CLAW

1957

Directed by Fred F. Sears

Written by Samuel Newman and Paul Gangelin

Spoilers: high

Tubular! Radical! Awesome! Reaganomics!

BARBARIAN

2022

Written and directed by Zach Cregger

Spoilers: oh, severe

Cardboard Science: Mr. Joseph Young as himself

MIGHTY JOE YOUNG

1949

Directed by Merian C. Cooper and Ernest Schoedsack

Written by Merian C. Cooper, Ernest Schoedsack, Willis O'Brien, and Ruth Rose

Spoilers: moderate

Cardboard Science: When man entered the atomic age, he opened a door into a new world

THEM!

1954

Directed by Gordon Douglas

Written by George Worthing Yates, Ted Sherdeman, and Russell Hughes

Spoilers: moderate

Love you. Go Giants.

CAUGHT STEALING

2025

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Written by Charlie Huston (based on the novel by Huston)

Spoilers: moderate

What about Bob?

THUNDERBOLTS*

2025

Directed by Jake Schreier

Written by Eric Pearson and Joanna Calo

Spoilers: moderate unto highish

Cardboard Science: Phantom marine mutations, death rays, utter nonsense

THE PHANTOM FROM 10,000 LEAGUES

1955

Directed by Dan Milner

Written by Dorys Lukather and Lou Russof

Spoilers: moderate

Cardboard Science: A million years of evolution with one bomb

DAY THE WORLD ENDED

1955

Directed by Roger Corman

Written by Lou Russof

Spoilers: moderate

The wailing

KPOP DEMON HUNTERS

2025

Directed by Maggie Kang and Chris Appelhans

Written by Danya Jiminez, Hannah McMegan, Maggie Kang, and Chris Appelhans

Spoilers: moderate

Fierce creatures

DANGEROUS ANIMALS

2025

Directed by Sean Byrne

Written by Nick Lepard

Spoilers: moderate

Indé film

APACHE WOMAN

1955

Directed by Roger Corman

Written by Lou Russof

Spoilers: moderate

Cardboard Science: I think I could stand it, except for out there—all that wasteland and mountains—it might as well be on another planet

THE BEAST WITH A MILLION EYES

1955

Directed by David Kramarsky and Roger Corman

Written by Tom Filer

Spoilers: moderate

Plutonian shores

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE

2022

Written and directed by David Cronenberg

THE SHROUDS

2025

Written and directed by David Cronenberg

Spoilers: moderate

The ultimate nullifier

THE FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS

2025

Directed by Matt Shakman

Written by Kat Wood, Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan, and Ian Springer

Spoilers: high

Nobody drives forever

F1

2025

Directed by Joseph Kosinski

Written by Ehren Kruger and Joseph Kosinski

Spoilers: moderate

Superman returns

SUPERMAN

2025

Written and directed by James Gunn

Spoilers: moderate

Walt Disney, part LXIX: You were just as dim-witted the first time you were here, you called it "Wonderland," as I recall

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

2010

Directed by Tim Burton

Written by Linda Woolverton

Spoilers: moderate

00 Week: The truth of the matter, Bond decided over coffee, was that he felt homesick for his real identity. He shrugged.

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

1971

Directed by Guy Hamilton

Written by Richard Maibaum and Tom Mankiewicz

Spoilers: severe

00 Week: We've got all the time in the world to talk about love

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE

1969

Directed by Peter Hunt

Written by Richard Maibaum and Simon Raven (based on the novel by Ian Fleming)

Spoilers: severe

00 Week: Whatever happened, he would put up no resistance to his old skin being sloughed off him on the other side of the world

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE

1967

Directed by Lewis Gilbert

Written by Roald Dahl and Harold Jack Bloom (based on the novel by Ian Fleming)

Spoilers: severe

Even now, when time has dulled the impression and made me half question my own experience and horrible doubts, there are things in that letter of Akeley’s which I would not quote

THE WHISPERER IN DARKNESS

2011

Directed Sean Branney

Written by Andrew Leman and Sean Branney (based on the story by H.P. Lovecraft)

plus "The Call of Cthulhu" (2005), written and directed by same

Spoilers: moderate

00 Week: The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning

CASINO ROYALE

1967

Directed by John Huston, Ken Hughes, Val Guest, Joe McGrath, and Robert Parrish

Written by Wolf Mankowitz, John Law, Michael Sayers, Ben Hecht, Joseph Heller, Terry Southern, Billy Wilder, and Woody Allen ("based on" the novel by Ian Fleming)

Spoilers: high, I guess, but also largely meaningless

I'm counting on you, red, white, and blue

AIR FORCE ONE

1997

Directed by Wolfgang Petersen

Written by Andrew W. Marlowe

Spoilers: moderate

Do better

CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD

2025

Directed by Julius Onah

Written by Rob Edwards, Malcolm Spellman, Dalan Musson, Peter Glanz, and Julius Onah

Spoilers: moderate

00 Week: Planes with atom bombs don't get stolen in real life. Except that they do. You're slowing down, James... Don't give me that crap about real life. There ain't no such animal.

THUNDERBALL

1965

Directed by Terence Young

Written by Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham, Ian Fleming, Richard Maibaum, and John Hopkins

Spoilers: severe

00 Week: Now you're talking. What are we going to do? Rob the end of a rainbow?

GOLDFINGER

1964

Directed by Guy Hamilton

Written by Richard Maibaum and Paul Dehn (based on the novel by Ian Fleming)

Spoilers: severe

Turning Lebanon into a Lebaoui

THE PHOENICIAN SCHEME

2025

Directed by Wes Anderson

Written by Roman Coppola and Wes Anderson

Spoilers: moderate

Killing strangers so we don't kill the ones that we love

BALLERINA

2025

Directed by Len Wiseman and/or Chad Stahelski

Written by Shay Hatten

Spoilers: high (for nerds, anyway; for non-nerds who can already guess what could go wrong with an action movie smooshed into a preexisting intellectual property, moderate)

00 Week: In his particular line of business, peace had reigned for nearly a year. And peace was killing him.

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

1963 UK/1964 USA

Directed by Terence Young

Written by Richard Maibaum, Johanna Harwood, and Berkeley Mather (based on the novel by Ian Fleming)

Spoilers: severe

You take your car to work, I'll take my board

THE SURFER

2025

Directed by Lorcan Finnegan

Written by Thomas Martin

Spoilers: moderate

You spend too much time on the Internet!

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-THE FINAL RECKONING

2025

Directed by Christopher McQuarrie

Written by Erik Jendresen and Christopher McQuarrie

Spoilers: moderate

00 Week: Spelled like Yes?

DR. NO

1962

Directed by Terence Young

Written by Richard Maibaum, Johanna Harwood, and Berkeley Mather (based on the novel by Ian Fleming)

Spoilers: severe

Note: runs a bit longer than I'd have preferred, mostly thanks to the inefficiencies of getting a retrospective of a film series of this magnitude started

Well, not wholly unfavorable

A SIMPLE FAVOR

2018

Directed by Paul Feig

Written by Jessica Sharzer

Spoilers: moderate (maybe high although I presume you could get at least that far ahead of it)

Walt Disney, part LXVIII: When we're human

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG

2009

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

Written by Rob Edwards, Greg Erb, Jason Oremland, Ron Clements, and John Musker

Spoilers: severe

Walt Disney, part LXVII: If the dog believes it, the audience believes it

BOLT

2008

Directed by Chris Williams and Byron Howard

Written by Dan Fogelman and Chris Williams

Spoilers: high

Walt Disney, part LXVI: Disney Princess enchanted tales

ENCHANTED

2007

Directed by Kevin Lima

Written by Bill Kelly, Rita Hsiao, Todd Alcott, Bob Schooley, and Mark McCorkle

Spoilers: high

They'd forget their precious gold if they had to dig their own

GOLD

1974

Directed by Peter Hunt

Written by Wilbur Smith and Stanley Price (based on the novel Gold Mine by Wilbur Smith)

Spoilers: moderate

Humphrey Bogart in Argument!... or Disagreement!... or Quarrel!... or Dispute!... or...

CONFLICT

1945

Directed by Curtis Bernhardt

Written by Robert Siodmak, Alfred Neumann, Arthur T. Horman, and Dwight Taylor

Spoilers: moderate (or a touch more than moderate, but, anyway, not high)

Walt Disney, part LXV: Keep moving forward

MEET THE ROBINSONS

2007

Directed by Stephen Anderson

Written by more people than I'd prefer to list (based on the book A Day With Wilbur Robinson by William Joyce)

Spoilers: high

When will you make an end?

THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY

1965

Directed by Carol Reed

Written by Philip Dunne (based on the novel by Irving Stone)

Spoilers: Michelangelo did, in fact, finish the Sistine Chapel ceiling

I know you've seen enough of the Falls for one trip, but don't cross us off your list

NIAGARA

1953

Directed by Henry Hathaway

Written by Charles Brackett, Walter Reisch, and Richard Breen

Spoilers: moderate (maybe a teensy bit high, but one generally knows how these things go, right?)

No whammies

THE LUCKIEST MAN IN AMERICA

2025

Directed by Samir Oliveros

Written by Amanda Freeman, Maggie Briggs, and Samir Oliveros

Spoilers: moderate (though, in a grander sense, N/A)

Cardboard Science: You're a lovely girl, but lovely girls just don't run around worrying about non-existent sea monsters

MONSTER FROM THE OCEAN FLOOR

1954

Directed by Wyott Ordung

Written by Roger Corman and Bill Danch

Spoilers: moderate